What ever happened to that girl?

Is it odd that I hope people ask that question about me? What ever happened to that girl?

It's because I want to never be who I was just now. Other than noticing how awful that sentence was, do you catch what I mean?

For example:

The first thing He's done has been to convict my sinful heart that it wants to be the best Christian. Believe me when I say, that I'm that disciple asking who gets to sit beside Jesus in heaven. That's my heart.

Then, the most important thing He is doing (every single day since I forget this one several times a day) is showing me that I am always at step one. Step one is Jesus.

He's teaching me that there is a whole lot of stuff more important than just being accepted by people.

He's also teaching me that I am not called to live with hatred or with a heart that does not forgive. I'm called to live like Jesus. Jesus reminds me of these verses.

He's giving me opportunity after opportunity to share what He teaches.

He's bestowing joy upon my heart when I open His word. What ever happened to that girl?

He's calling me to be a part of things I never expected.

He's reminding me that everything I experience has a purpose. Everything, including the sorrow, the heartache, the loneliness, the joys, the laughter, the conversations, the education. The purpose is to make Him known and glorify Christ each day, regardless of circumstance.

He's speaking me out of a season of valley. He's filling me with living water and refreshing me deep into my bones.

He's showing me that in that long season where I felt like I was falling apart every single day, He was the reason why I still was a light for Him. This one is huge. My weak and frail soul isn't too weak to be used by the strength of a Saviour. His work, His words, His truth, my silly self moving speaking sharing. It's ridiculous. Grace blows my mind.

He's giving me peace over situations where I used to turmoil. He is my peace. I know that full well.

That enough? I hope not. My comfort seeking heart would love to be done. I'd love to be finished with the pruning. The pruning does not end. Being made like Jesus means dying to my self every day. This is not by my own strength. It is all through Christ - He gives me strength!



For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life. The saying is trustworthy, and I want you to insist on these things, so that those who have believed in God may be careful to devote themselves to good works. These things are excellent and profitable for people. (Titus 3:3-8)



So whatever happened to that girl? She used to be unsure of what she believed. She used to be timid. She used to need attention for herself.

What changed?

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
(Colossians 3:1-4 ESV)

Also, when I read scripture, I want to add a "bam!" onto the end of everything.

Jesus loves you. BAM!

This is Jesus.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. (John 1:1-5 ESV)

In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. And the virgin's name was Mary. And he came to her and said, “Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you!” But she was greatly troubled at the saying, and tried to discern what sort of greeting this might be. And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give to him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.
And Mary said to the angel, “How will this be, since I am a virgin? 
And the angel answered her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy—the Son of God. (Luke 1:26-35 ESV)

The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. (John 1:9-14 ESV)


And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn. (Luke 2:7 ESV)


And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man. (Luke 2:52 ESV)


And he went throughout all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction among the people. So his fame spread throughout all Syria, and they brought him all the sick, those afflicted with various diseases and pains, those oppressed by demons, epileptics, and paralytics, and he healed them. And great crowds followed him from Galilee and the Decapolis, and from Jerusalem and Judea, and from beyond the Jordan (Matthew 4:23-25 ESV)

And when Jesus finished these sayings, the crowds were astonished at his teaching, for he was teaching them as one who had authority, and not as their scribes. (Matthew 7:28-29 ESV)

And behold, a woman who had suffered from a discharge of blood for twelve years came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment, for she said to herself, “If I only touch his garment, I will be made well.” Jesus turned, and seeing her he said, “Take heart, daughter; your faith has made you well.” And instantly the woman was made well. (Matthew 9:20-22 ESV)

And he said, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:9 ESV)


When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick. Now when it was evening, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a desolate place, and the day is now over; send the crowds away to go into the villages and buy food for themselves.” But Jesus said, “They need not go away; you give them something to eat.” They said to him, “We have only five loaves here and two fish.” And he said, “Bring them here to me.” Then he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass, and taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven and said a blessing. Then he broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds. And they all ate and were satisfied. And they took up twelve baskets full of the broken pieces left over. And those who ate were about five thousand men, besides women and children. (Matthew 14:14-21 ESV)

And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. He said to them, “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, “Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?” (Mark 4:37-41 ESV)


The disciples went and did as Jesus had directed them. They brought the donkey and the colt and put on them their cloaks, and he sat on them. Most of the crowd spread their cloaks on the road, and others cut branches from the trees and spread them on the road. And the crowds that went before him and that followed him were shouting, “Hosanna to the Son of David! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! Hosanna in the highest!” And when he entered Jerusalem, the whole city was stirred up, saying, “Who is this?” And the crowds said, “This is the prophet Jesus, from Nazareth of Galilee.(Matthew 21:6-11 ESV)

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:36-40 ESV)

And the scribe said to him, “You are right, Teacher. You have truly said that he is one, and there is no other besides him. And to love him with all the heart and with all the understanding and with all the strength, and to love one's neighbor as oneself, is much more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.” And when Jesus saw that he answered wisely, he said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.” And after that no one dared to ask him any more questions. (Mark 12:32-34 ESV)

Then the chief priests and the elders of the people gathered in the palace of the high priest, whose name was Caiaphas, and plotted together in order to arrest Jesus by stealth and kill him. (Matthew 26:3-4 ESV)

Do you think that I cannot appeal to my Father, and he will at once send me more than twelve legions of angels? But how then should the Scriptures be fulfilled, that it must be so?” At that hour Jesus said to the crowds, “Have you come out as against a robber, with swords and clubs to capture me? Day after day I sat in the temple teaching, and you did not seize me. But all this has taken place that the Scriptures of the prophets might be fulfilled.” Then all the disciples left him and fled. (Matthew 26:53-56 ESV)

So when they had gathered, Pilate said to them, “Whom do you want me to release for you: Barabbas, or Jesus who is called Christ?” For he knew that it was out of envy that they had delivered him up. Besides, while he was sitting on the judgment seat, his wife sent word to him, “Have nothing to do with that righteous man, for I have suffered much because of him today in a dream.” Now the chief priests and the elders persuaded the crowd to ask for Barabbas and destroy Jesus. The governor again said to them, “Which of the two do you want me to release for you?” And they said, “Barabbas.” Pilate said to them, “Then what shall I do with Jesus who is called Christ?” They all said, “Let him be crucified!” And he said, “Why, what evil has he done?” But they shouted all the more, “Let him be crucified!” (Matthew 27:17-23 ESV)

And they stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, and twisting together a crown of thorns, they put it on his head and put a reed in his right hand. And kneeling before him, they mocked him, saying, “Hail, King of the Jews!” And they spit on him and took the reed and struck him on the head. And when they had mocked him, they stripped him of the robe and put his own clothes on him and led him away to crucify him. (Matthew 27:28-31 ESV)

When the centurion and those who were with him, keeping watch over Jesus, saw the earthquake and what took place, they were filled with awe and said, “Truly this was the Son of God!” (Matthew 27:54 ESV)

The next day, that is, after the day of Preparation, the chief priests and the Pharisees gathered before Pilate and said, “Sir, we remember how that impostor said, while he was still alive, ‘After three days I will rise.’ Therefore order the tomb to be made secure until the third day, lest his disciples go and steal him away and tell the people, ‘He has risen from the dead,’ and the last fraud will be worse than the first.” Pilate said to them, “You have a guard of soldiers. Go, make it as secure as you can.” So they went and made the tomb secure by sealing the stone and setting a guard. (Matthew 27:62-66 ESV)

 Now after the Sabbath, toward the dawn of the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to see the tomb. And behold, there was a great earthquake, for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven and came and rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothing white as snow. And for fear of him the guards trembled and became like dead men. But the angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here, for he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay. (Matthew 28:1-6 ESV)

As they were talking about these things, Jesus himself stood among them, and said to them, “Peace to you!” But they were startled and frightened and thought they saw a spirit. And he said to them, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts arise in your hearts? See my hands and my feet, that it is I myself. Touch me, and see. For a spirit does not have flesh and bones as you see that I have.” And when he had said this, he showed them his hands and his feet. And while they still disbelieved for joy and were marveling, he said to them, “Have you anything here to eat?” They gave him a piece of broiled fish, and he took it and ate before them.
Then he said to them, “These are my words that I spoke to you while I was still with you, that everything written about me in the Law of Moses and the Prophets and the Psalms must be fulfilled.” Then he opened their minds to understand the Scriptures, and said to them, “Thus it is written, that the Christ should suffer and on the third day rise from the dead, and that repentance and forgiveness of sins should be proclaimed in his name to all nations, beginning from Jerusalem. You are witnesses of these things. (Luke 24:36-48 ESV)

Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:19-20 ESV)

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. (Colossians 3:2-4 ESV) 

Now there are also many other things that Jesus did. Were every one of them to be written, I suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be written. (John 21:25 ESV)



This is my Savior, my Redeemer. His name is Jesus.

Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. (Colossians 1:28 ESV)

Content Enough

Once you're content than the good times will still not come.

I hate to break it to you.

To be honest, I hate to break it to me.

It would sure be nice if that's the way life worked.

If I do good, then I get good. That's only good until you do bad, because suddenly you're screwed. That's not the gospel I want to live my life upon.

I really don't want to have a life where it's life that gets to decide. I rest my life on Jesus.

    "Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ,

so that whether I come and see you or am absent,

I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit,

with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel"   
(Philippians 1:27 ESV)

Is anyone else blown away by that? And I mean the really good type of blown away.

Commonly among Christian circles is an idea that once we've spent enough time "readying ourselves before God" and "just taking some time for me and God" that suddenly we'll be in a good place. That is atrocious. I promise you, if you look at anyone in the Bible outside of Jesus, you'll see that they never got to a time where they were in a good place. David, a man after God's heart, had a man killed in order to get with a girl after he creeped her bathing in the buff. Does that not make your skin itch? How could God use that kind of guy to fill an entire book of Psalms in the Bible where I find myself constantly in? Shouldn't I only read the books in the Bible by the good guys? Maybe I'll just read the books by Paul, since everything he ever did wrong was before he knew Christ right? Or, I'll stick with Peter - he walked on water. Obviously he's got a lot of faith ... until he betrayed Christ.

It's important to remember that Christ forgave Peter. God forgave David. We're forgiven as well. Wow.

Are you catching my drift here? I think we've got to stop preaching this idea that we can rectify ourselves; there is this idea that we're suddenly going to have it all together. We're not. Well, you might right???, but I won't.

This video relates mostly to singles, but I think it is applicable for all areas of our life where we feel discontent. Whether it is singleness, job issues, school issues, family issues, faith issues, etc.




I also super suggest a read of this blog I just read which I found stated some quality ideas. I think it applies for both females and males. Let's give up the fill-in-maybe.

A friend and I were conversing on a drive this morning about how it seems like everyone we know is in a season of getting good with God. I'm not against this, in fact, this season is one that all Christians should pursue always. I should always be living life in such a way that pleases God, aware that I sin often and need His grace all the more.

For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh,

but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit.
(Romans 8:5 ESV)

I recommend a good read of Romans 8. 

I went there today to grab this verse, and was struck by the amount of good stuff there.

The problems lies when this desire to get to a good place is talked about as if it is just for a season.

I've always had an issue with people who call Bible school their "year for God". Seriously?  Lucky God, He gets one year of the very life which He provided.

This is the Jesus I know:

"Then Jesus told his disciples, 

“If anyone would come after me,

let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

For whoever would save his life will lose it,

but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

(Matthew 16:24-25 ESV)

Maybe I'm reading it wrong, but I don't see the ...for a season... addition anywhere in there.

I do think that there are specific times in our lives when God calls us to give up certain things for a season or to do something very specifically in order to gain knowledge in a certain area. I'm not saying that seasons are completely wrong, but I think it is wrong to act as though we're just waiting dispatiently (remember when I talked about my love for adding "dis" in front of words - yeah!) for God to let us off the hook and be able to do what we used to do.

Part of me lives in fear of writing a blog like this. God's been walking me through the sin of living in fear. He constantly reminds me to live in faith rather than fear. God's filled my life with friends who aren't fearful to call me out on the issues where I live in avoidance of conflict due to my fear of the consequences.

So if I fear it, why write it? What is it I'm afraid of?

There's a fear about proclaiming the gospel. I know I don't stand alone in it, because I hear it from others. There is legitimate fear in proclaiming what you believe because this world we live in is filled with people who don't know Christ.

"Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord,

nor of me his prisoner,

but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God,

who saved us and called us to a holy calling,

not because of our works but

because of his own purpose and grace,

which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began,

and which now has been manifested

through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus,

who abolished death and brought life

and immortality to light

through the gospel" 

(2 Timothy 1:8-10 ESV)

But if I'm actually being honest, I live more in fear of the Christians sometimes.

What if someone reads this, and feels that it is unkind?

What if a friend feels like they are in such a season as what I've seemed to disagree with?

More importantly though, what if someone reads this and it pushes them to pursue Jesus?

Do I want to please people, or do I want to give glory to God?

I choose glory.



My heart will always sing I love You.

As my friend and I concluded, rather than pursuing contentment so you can find Jesus, seek first the kingdom of God. As Tami of The Cloven Heart commented on my last blog (I've condensed it by using "..."'s btw)

"I find 'comfort' the scariest place to be. As Christians we are responsible for studying and growing in our faith. It it our duty to push in, to be stretched, to be on guard so that we are not led astray ...  No, it's not easy, it's a constant effort and conscious decision to study, every time... "

Love Jesus, and then love people, and then you'll realize you actually are living well because your heart is so passionately pursuing Jesus. This does not mean that the good times will roll along. You won't be filled to the rim with happiness (and dates). But you will have the peace and hope of Christ deeply woven into each moment of your day, guarding you as you live each day as He called you to live. You might not even be content, heck, hopefully you don't want to be content.

Instead of pursuing contentment, let's just pursue Jesus.

Our contentment should be based on Christ, not circumstance.


Oh, okay cool.

Scripturally Honest

Does anybody else really struggle to get into the Bible? 

After a few rough weeks (or months) of life, I'm realizing that the reason I'm feeling permanently overwhelmed is my limited amount of time spent with Jesus lately.

Turn to me and be gracious to me,
        for I am lonely and afflicted.
    The troubles of my heart are enlarged;
        bring me out of my distresses.
    Consider my affliction and my trouble,
        and forgive all my sins.
(Psalm 25:16-18 ESV)

I love talking to God. Prayer is fun for me. I love discussing every aspect of my day with the Lord. I actually trust that when I ask Him to help me find a parking spot when I'm struggling to find one that He will, and that when I ask Him to help me find a few more dollars to make something work, that He will. I also trust that if He doesn't, I probably need to walk a few extra blocks or go without. I feel that when I chat with God throughout each day, it makes it harder for me to feel far from Him because if He's a part of the little things, He'll be around already for the big ones. I feel that God's really given me a joy in this discipline. Sometimes I'll take a morning, and just spend it in prayer. Those mornings are the best.

And normally this works.  My conversations with God get me through along with reading faith based blogs, listening to worship, and conversing about faith with others.

May integrity and uprightness preserve me,
        for I wait for you.
(Psalm 25:21 ESV)

Spiritual maturity is so interesting isn't it? As we grow, we need more. The needing more is painful because the time spent being disciplined takes away from other things - things of the flesh that so often seem to satisfy for at least a moment.

    Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions;
        according to your steadfast love remember me,
        for the sake of your goodness, O LORD!
(Psalm 25:7 ESV)

Honestly though, lately I've been feeling plastic when it comes to religion. My faith is real, and I know God is with me in everything, but life is overwhelming. It's hard to go to scripture and to listen to a sermon, when I know that a glass of wine or a tv show will lighten my mood. Does that make sense? I've had a lot of conversations with friends where they don't act like sin is enticing to them. It's bothersome to me, because I struggle with their authenticity. I'm fully aware that I'm drawn to sin like a moth to any source of light. I know I need Jesus and I trust that temptation resisted will lead to spiritual strengthened.

I've felt convicted about my desires to watch tv amongst other things. I was chatting with a friend this morning about it. I'm trying to sort out if I need to give up tv or something else? Is my issue simply that I'm watching tv, or is there something deeper? There obviously is a deeper root issue, but what is it?

Good and upright is the LORD;
        therefore he instructs sinners in the way.
   (Psalm 25:8 ESV)

It's hard too because getting to the root of an issue doesn't necessarily solve it. There is anther big sin in my life that I recently figured out where it comes from, when it started - but that just means I know where it comes from and when it started. I'm still sorting out what it all means and how that changes things.

Am I alone in this? Do others find Spiritual discipline hard? I feel like everyone I talk with seems to either not study or to study and love the Word.. People always say things along the lines of, "I used to really not be disciplined, and then I got disciplined, and now I can't go a day without it". I get that, and I want that, but it's complicated. How do I get there? Is my guilt a good place to start to get myself into the word? What is the motivation? How do I get motivated by something other than guilt? Guiltism doesn't seem like the best bet.

    For your name's sake, O LORD,
        pardon my guilt, for it is great.
(Psalm 25:11 ESV)

I don't know if this is encouraging or disencouraging (sometimes I like to add "dis" to words - and I'm aware that they're fake words - but try saying that aloud - it's quite fun).

I want to end this with a portion of scripture that I do read often. Psalm 34 (below) and Psalm 25 (portions above) fall under my category of most read most definitely.

I will bless the LORD at all times;
        his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
    My soul makes its boast in the LORD;
        let the humble hear and be glad.
    Oh, magnify the LORD with me,
        and let us exalt his name together!
    I sought the LORD, and he answered me
        and delivered me from all my fears.
    Those who look to him are radiant,
        and their faces shall never be ashamed.
    This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him
        and saved him out of all his troubles.
    The angel of the LORD encamps
        around those who fear him, and delivers them.
    Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!
        Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
    Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints,
        for those who fear him have no lack!
   
(Psalm 34:1-8 ESV)

It's interesting. I added Psalm 25 into the blog once I was done writing what I had before. The amount of comfort found even as I reread my favourite Psalm and copied it in here was great. But is comfort enough? Do I just want to be comforted by scriptures, which I am often in the Psalms, which is where I camp most often? Or do I want to be stretched?

The Lord is my strength and my song.

A Nautical Night

Last night I filled my home with a lot of friends, decorations, costumes, food, music, and fun.

I turned 23 on Thursday and had a lovely birthday party last night! A few friends came over earlier in the day and helped with food and decorating prep (I basically did very little decorating other than maybe moving stuff around to accommodate much of the food).

I know most people might have viewed the pictures on facebook but I wanted to share the pictures I took. I really wish I had taken many more, and if I had been smart I would have taken really good ones before everybody came and when the table was full, but boo-hoo I did not.

The theme was nautical. Costumes were mandatory.

When I saw that child size life jacket in a thrift store I knew it needed a home. I asked for that mat for Christmas and though it wasn't the inspiration for the party, it certainly helped the theme along!

These lovely ladies are new friends I've made in the past couple weeks!

This picture was taken before even half the food had arrived! It was a tasty night.

So I found these pictures online of licorice knots. They didn't turn out quite as I had hoped (as they kept falling apart) but when I first did them, they looked great! Haha.

My friend Kaycee had the brilliant idea of hanging the rope with the pictures and adding the "Welcome Aboard!"

I found these amazing pictures at a thrift store!

This lovely lady is Tami Knepper of The Cloven Heart. She writes a lovely blog and sells beautiful vintage stuff on Etsy. Check her out for sure. She just opened her Etsy shop this past month so now is a great time to get stuff before it all sells out.

This net belongs to the above Tami and her husband Josh. Josh has owned it since he was about 13! Many crabs have been caught in it. I was delighted to borrow it for an evening of fun.

I found this sword on my bed. I took the liberty of sleeping with it. I'm going to keep it for safety reasons in my room at night! Hehe.

This lovely lady made the stenciled brownies below!

She used a stencil and sifted baking sugar! She also had a gooey layer inside. They were the BEST!

I found these awesome glasses/glass containers/awesomeness at a thrift store!

My friend Megs made these awesome jello/orange pirate ships!

The one thing I knew was that I was going to find a fish bowl and I was going to serve goldfish in it! So I did.

Taken near the end of the night.

You can't tell because the picture is black and white but that shelf is blue! I just found it thrifting this week and love it!

I took these last two pictures right before bed. I kinda like how creepy my hallway looks at this point! It was time for bed!