But if You Will

As I mentioned the other day, I just finished reading Be Quiet & Say Something by Jessi Connolly.

There was one point as I read it where my eyes filled with more tears than at any other part in the book because I was reading what I believe.

Jessi wrote this portion describing a season when her still-in-womb baby was potentially very sick.

“And I’d lay on the couch with my hands open and weep. Do Your will, Lord. Have Your way. But if You will, give us our daughter.” (Be Quiet & Say Something, Jessi Connolly)

This is the prayer that Jesus calls us to pray.

We’re called to pray for His glory, for His will, and for His joy in everything.

That doesn’t mean we don’t pray what we desire.

It means we’re so well acquainted with Jesus by knowing the scriptures, praying, community, and more, that we can pray DO YOUR WILL  and finish that with this is what I need you to do Jesus.

As I read that part, I raised by head and said to Jesus

Lord, that’s my cry. That’s my call. That’s my prayer.

I want Your will in everything. I want Your glory. I need You to do what You will because that is what is best.

And I’ve got all sorts of desires.

So I give them to Jesus all the time. I name them off to Him. I give specifics. I tell Him how much I desire the things I feel He has put on my heart and I start and end every prayer (whether I actually utter it in the moment or not – it’s my hearts cry) the same way Jessi does in her book.

 Do Your will, Lord, Have Your way. But if You will . . . here is my desire.

            Pray then like this:

            “Our Father in heaven,

            hallowed be your name.

            Your kingdom come,

            your will be done,

            on earth as it is in heaven."

(Matthew 6:9-10 ESV)

Tune-y Tuesday (Jesus in disguise)

This is the series that won't end!
 
When I ended in a while back, I had no intention of bringing it back.
 But I've got to share these words.
Cause this song CHALLENGES me.
Man.

Mostly because if I'm honest, I know I probably would have a hard time recognizing Jesus if He showed up today.

And I would have had an even harder time with Him in the days when He roamed the earth.
'Cause He blew apart the rules.
and I love the rules.
a lot.

And yet I also see Jesus in so many ways and places and spaces.
So much!

Also, I LOVE Brandon Heath's voice. I've been a fan of his voice and how he just calls me out and points me to Jesus through his songs.




So . . . take a listen.





Ever get something in your head
It’s nothing you heard, or something you read

Ever had a cut but you never saw a blade
Brought to your knees but you never prayed

Jesus in disguise
Jehovah passing by
The burden of a tear
Hanging in your eye

Jesus in disguise
A scar across the sky

You were looking for a king
You would never recognize
Jesus in disguise

Ever feel like you’ve been somewhere before
You hold the key, you know which door

Speak the word your lips have never known
Because your heart told you so

Jesus in disguise
Jehovah passing by
The burden of a tear
Hanging in your eye

Jesus in disguise
A scar across the sky
 
You were looking for a king
You would never recognize
Jesus in disguise

So open my eyes wide as I can
Blind as I am, blind as I am
Open my eyes wide as I can
Blind as I am, blind as I am

Jesus in disguise

Jesus in disguise

Jesus in disguise

Jesus in disguise 




I love love love the line about speaking words on lips that you never knew.
Cause when Jesus gives me words I never knew I get so overwhelmed.

I rely on this verse in moments when I'm so unsure of the right words to share.

    When they deliver you over, do not be anxious how you are to speak or what you are to say, for what you are to say will be given to you in that hour.
(Matthew 10:19 ESV)

Comfortably Envious

Back in July I read that Jessi Connolly had written Be Quiet & Say Something. I quickly hopped over, paid the money, and didn’t read it.

I’m excellent at getting excited and then forgetting. So excellent that if I hadn’t just heard a sermon series at church on spiritual gifts, I might think my forgetful excitement was a spiritual gift. I kid.

Recently I sat down and read through the story. 

It was a story that brought me to tears, frustrated my sinful heart, encouraged my sanctified and saved heart, motivated me to stop looking daily at my stats (as if looking at them will change anything anyways), and ultimately reminded me of things I already knew but had for some reason let flee from my mind.

One thing she highlighted in the book was something that Jesus has been telling me for weeks.

“When we look to the right or the left at the grace given to others long fully or pridefully, we can miss the beauty of influence.” (Be Quiet & Say Something, Jessi Connolly)

As a blogger it's easy to look around and question what I'm doing. I can read blogs that have thousands of readers and find myself in a jealous and envious stream of thoughts. I can get angry at those bloggers because I don't see why God lets them have their sphere of influence.

Or I can go to Jesus and say here I am, sinful and small - use me for Your goals because I know that then You will receive glory in the process. 

Jesus has been calling me out on envy and jealousy for weeks, and if I’m truly honest, months and years.

I went through Galatians with the #SheReadsTruth crew a few weeks ago. There was one day that punched me in the gut.

 Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these.

(Galatians 5:19-21a ESV)

I read that portion and could check off the things that I don’t struggle with currently. I've done this before and written about being skewed while reading scripture (as in reading only what I want to read in scripture).

I got to jealousy and casually stepped over it, ignoring the word.

Strife, not me, yay me! . . . jealousy  . . . oh fits of anger, well sometimes but not too often . . .

I kept going until I hit envy.

Oh Jesus, you wrote it there twice for me didn’t you?

How do I stop being jealous?

By being satisfied in Christ.

So I’m working on it. Failing mostly but attempting to go to Jesus for satisfaction and letting go of control.

I have so many desires for where I want my life to go.

But more so I desire Christ.

Oh Jesus, get glory in my life.

Forgive my jealous and envious heart.

Voice

I'm joining in with five minute friday. Welcome here if you're joining me from that neck of the woods. I hope you'll stick around. I've got a long way to go but I sure do love Jesus.


The voices are really loud lately.

Like, really loud.

Telling me that my worth is nothing.
That my tears aren't heard.
That my sorrow will not end.
That God is not near.

And sometimes I catch myself believing them.

Those voices.

I need to remind to myself, every single day, that those voices are lies.

I am loved by the King of Kings.
I was created by the Alpha and Omega.
My thoughts are known by the Beginning and the End.
My plans are watched over by the Good Shepherd.

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son - Jesus - so that whoever believes in Him will have eternal life.

Eternal life is going to be so good.

Because of Jesus.

So I'm shutting off the voices the only way I know to be effective.
By reading the Bible and learning it well.
So I can combat the lies with truth.

And I'm going to Jesus every single day with my desperate pleas for help.
Because He responds.
He responds with love.
with hope.
with joy.
with truth.
with care.
with compassion.
with sanctification.
with grace.
with so much.

Because His voice is the Voice of Truth.

I love His voice because I know it.

I love His voice.
Because I know it.

And His voice knows my voice.

Sometimes I get blown away by His voice.
Because it always always always always always (I want to keep writing always) always remains.

Pleasant Places

This portion of scripture is stunning to my heart.

The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;

           you hold my lot.

The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;

           indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

I bless the LORD who gives me counsel;

           in the night also my heart instructs me.

I have set the LORD always before me;

           because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;

          my flesh also dwells secure.

(Psalm 16:5-9 ESV)

Isn't that so beautiful?

My faith is in the Lord. I trust in His Sovereign plan for my life. His ways are what I walk in, joyfully and peacefully. He has placed me where I should be. He speaks to me and my soul response with joy. He alters my heart.

He is my secondary heartbeat.

When I say secondary, I don't mean that He is secondary, or that He is second rate. 

He IS the heart in me. He IS the choice I've made.
 
Christ is who I have chosen to rule over all that I do.

He is always before me. He is always with me. With Him by my side I can rest easy. My heart joyfully leaps in His presence. I am safe in Jesus, the Lord of my life.