a more realistic meet and greet.

Amidst my Monday, I found myself reading these words by Hayley Morgan (aka the tiny twig) that she wrote last year before the influence conference:

" . . . most likely the girl you perceive behind the blog is a little different and a little more vulnerable in real life."

I recognized a lot of my fears in that statement because I'm genuinely nervous about going to influence.

See, when I found out back in April that I probably wouldn't be able to go the conference, I was very sad. I cried and I mourned, and I found my peace knowing that at least this way I wouldn't be disappointed.

Disappointed in the conference?
Disappointed in the people I would meet?

No. Disappointed in the fact that I can never measure up to the girl I measure myself by.

I've never met the girl that I measure myself by, most likely because, actually fully for sure because that girl doesn't exist.

She can't exist.

I'm nervous that I'll offend somebody by not knowing or remembering their name.

I'm nervous that I'll share too much, too little, or too something.

I'm nervous I'll say something that will cause somebody I respect to no longer respect me.

I'm terrified about my business cards. I'm terrified because the girl in that picture is wearing bold lipstick and a bold headband, and most days I really just like drinking my coffee and not leaving a lipstick stain. I'm so scared because I'm really not as cool as the girl in my own picture.

I'm also feeling a bit wounded already, and I know I am going to come into the conference feeling really tender to the touch. I'll have just packed up my apartment the day before and when I come back from the conference I'll move the next day.

I've been ready to take down my conference meet and greet since before I even posted it. I feel like I shared this confident girl who has a put together life, where actually I'm constantly at battle with my own thoughts, and have never had to take every thought captive in the same way that I am now. I'm tender and hurt, and feel like every 8th word hurts my feelings right now. So much so that if I knew how to disable my comments I would, simply because I know that even kind words hurt sometimes.

Maybe you're feeling a little bit like me. You're scared you'll forget an important item, or that you'll say a name wrong. (P.S. My name is pronounced Nay-Deen, not Nah-Deen. P.P.S. I'll give you grace if you don't say it right. I promise.)

I want to wrap this post up with a pretty bow, with a truth like: we're going to be okay.

I know that truth, and you know that truth, so we have to cling to it. AND it's okay if we come to the conference and disappoint everybody. It really is okay. I'm planning on disappointing at least myself, so welcome to the club.

All of this to say, Haylie is right. The girl typing our blogs is more than likely a little less put together than she shares.

So I'm excited to see you at the conference (and if you're reading and not going to be at the conference, I'm excited to see you someday), and if you're feeling a bit tender and broken, we can sit together. We can laugh together, cry together, and I know that I'll more than likely do something silly. I just do that sometimes, usually if I'm feeling overwhelmed or excited - it's to differentiate for me sometimes. Or if you're feeling just super great about yourself, maybe you can pass along some wisdom to the girls like me who sometimes just feel a little bit unprepared.

hugs and fist pumps

I love a good linkup. Especially the kind where I get to meet everybody who is linking up in two weeks. SAY WHAT?!?!

So, remember when I had a fundraising giveaway? Remember that fun thing last week? Well, let's just say that people are generous. I am going to the influence conference!


Thank you dearly to those of you who gave, and to those of you whose prayers prompted those people to give.

It was incredible to open up my email time after time, click the email, and see an amount given. I was humbled, inspired, and now I'm simply grateful and happy.

The ladies planning said amazing conference are hosting a little linkup for conference attendees.

**side note** Pro Nadine tip: I don't know how to pack light. 

2 things I'll definitely bring with me:

1. A new and ready to be filled journal alongside a few pens. I love note taking, and apparently it really helps me remember. In my last community group at church, the leader would call on me if we needed to know exactly what the pastor said about something because chances were, I'd caught it.

2. A lota lipstick. I don't know if I'll be as brave at the conference as I am on instagram, but I am going to try to wear lipstick at every moment. Just don't take a picture of me mid meal or coffee when 47% of my lipstick has washed off. #awkward.

2 things I'm looking forward to:

1. Hugging Jessi Connolly. I'm not kidding. When I found out a few months ago that influence wasn't going to happen, my sister said "well can't you just go visit Jessi"? I texted Jessi, she said yes well I think her words were more "you don't have to ask me that, just come". Sorry J. Maybe next year I'll come join the Connolly clan.

2. Fist pumping Hayley Morgan. Also not kidding, these are my top two things. I emailed her husband this week about something, and I asked him to fist pump her. When I know Jessi will be with her, I ask her to fist pump her. So. I'm excited to fist pump her all by myself.

Random fact: my biggest fear about the conference is that I won't recognize people in real life and thus offend them. But fears are silly, so if I forget your name, forgive me, and I'll do the same for you. Yay.

I am so excited to learn strategy for my blog that will point me to Christ, which will cause me to write better content, which will cause people to read that content and be pointed to Christ. I just want everybody to know Christ.

Oh friends, I am so excited to learn and pray, laugh, cry, smile, joke, talk long and deep, and just everything with each of you.

 Will I see you at influence? If not, what are you excited about this fall? I'm excited about influence, and the fact that two weeks after, I'm off to Mexico with my family. Yay for that!

Will you get me to the Influence Conference?

In May of last year, my internet life started to change.
I tweeted an article about Darling Magazine. The Be.Loved Blog favourited it and followed me. I clicked on over, saw what the blog was about, and noticed they were looking for writers, and submitted my name.

Soon after, I was asked to join the team. The founder, Kymberly, lived not to far from me, so we met up for an afternoon. We brainstormed ideas and just go tot know each other.

Either before or after that meeting, there was an online meeting. There, I met some amazing girls: Margaret, Ashlee, Amanda, Kymberly, and I cannot remember if the other writers were in the meeting. I don't think so. I connected with each and started following them on twitter.

Either in a video chat or on twitter or in an email, who knows it's a long time ago, Margaret mentioned that she wanted to go to a blogging conference in the fall.

The conference was called the influence conference.

I looked it up, and knew I was meant to go. I knew it.

I prayed about it, but just kept hearing no. I fought the no, but couldn't get the no out of my mind

Through reading about the conference, I found about some great people named Jessi, Hayley, and Casey. I started reading their blogs, and fell in love with their hearts for the gospel.

I connected especially with Jessi, and over the course of the next few months, we worked together to make my current blog design happen.

Long story short, I didn't go to the conference, though I did blog about it, but I did buy a founding member membership to the Influence Network.

Since January, I've been very active in the network. I really and truly believe in the mission behind it, the heart behind it, the truth that reigns over it - that Jesus is Lord.

I've wanted to go to this years conference. I was going to go, planned to go, all of a sudden wasn't sure if I could, thought I could, definitely couldn't, and then all of a sudden as of this past week - I can go again.

I emailed Ashley last week about sponsorship getting me there and she graciously told me that I needed to ask for help.

I decided that meant I shouldn't go, because I wasn't willing to put my pride aside and ask for help.

On Saturday, after a good and long conversation with my Mom, I tweeted asking for help.

Within twenty minutes, I'd had three friends let me know they wanted to help.

I checked my email and saw a friend who said she'd been thinking of me all week and really believed I'd make it.

This story is so beautiful and I wish I could tell every aspect.

I want to tell you how Shannon got a room by herself and her sweet baby, and how she decided to let me stay with her for free.

I want to tell you how numerous bloggers have given items so that I can create incentive for people to give to get me to influence.

I wish I could share more elouqently how much I believe in the network, in the conference, in blogging in general, in twitter, in instagram, in advertising, in so many things, but I can't.

I can tell you this though: I love Jesus. I love that He saved me from a life of sin so that I can have a full and beautiful life. Where that life's goal is to give all of my worship to Him, to love Him with everything to have, and to be a really good neighbour to every single person I ever get to meet.

I know that there is a lot of junk and darkness all over the internet. Just as much as I know that, I know that it doesn't have to be dark everywhere. This blog gets to be a light. My twitter feed gets to be bright. My instagram gets to shine. Darkness doesn't rule.

So friends, I am grateful that you've read this far. I'm even grateful if you just skimmed everything to get to the bottom so you can enter the giveaway. And I'm just as grateful to the friend who gives $200 as I am to the friend who gives $2. Both are huge to me.

This situation, and in general, my life over the past week, has humbled me, called out my pride, and questioned my identity.

There are a lot of reasons that fall into the "why I can't afford influence". If you feel a need to know, you're welcome to email me and ask, or you can just trust me when I say that life gets hard sometimes.

My identity is in Christ. And one thing He freed me from was fear, and so I am going to confidently ask you a question:

Will you get me to the Influence Conference?

Click HERE to get to the giveaway!

(not) Influence(d)

What happens when you write a blog and you hear about an incredible conference?
Well, you look it up and you decide to go.

Until God says no - in the form of finances being too small to make it happen.

So you email the planners and see about sponsorship.
And they offer you suggestions and opportunities.
And you consider it.

And God says no - in the form of incredible unrest and zero peace about going to the conference.

So you pray and plead and almost cry about it.
Or at least that's what I did.

Back when influence was announced, I got so excited. I was sure that it was where I was meant to go. 

God kept saying no.
He kept saying wait.
He kept saying Nadine, trust ME!

I'm still not sure why He didn't let me go this year.
Scratch that, I do know. I know full well.



I could have gone. And I would have learned a lot of helpful things. I would have met Jesus (because Jesus always shows up when we ask Him to come) and I would have left so encouraged and uplifted and all that.


But sitting at home, watching tweet after tweet come by with the #influenceconf tag on it, I realized something.


Jesus was still with me here.


I could still learn at home.

AND He kept asking me when I was going to repent of jealousy.

I'd read the posts and get excited about what it said and then sad that I wasn't there.

I'd see yet another photo of smiling bloggers meeting, laughing, smiling, and building relations and I would look around and see nobody here.

So if Influence taught me one thing (and those tweets taught/encouraged me more than once), it was to always go to Jesus with my sin heavy soul and say "help".

Because He is faithful to help.

    As for me, I am poor and needy,
        but the Lord takes thought for me.
    You are my help and my deliverer;
        do not delay, O my God!
(Psalm 40:17 ESV)

He is faithful to help when I call upon His name.

And guess what?!? After a few prayers and conversations with Jesus to determine my motive and make sure He was on board with my plans, I bought my ticket for Influence Conference 2013. 

I'm so excited for less than a year from now.

Blogging is something that freaks me out. I question myself almost weekly. I feel funny when I tell people I'm a blogger because I never know what they'll say. 

Blogging is something that encourages me so much. I feel confident that I'm being faithful to a God who is more faithful than the sun always rising.

You realize that the sun always rises right? K cool.

In a year I'm going to hug a lot of friends. 
I'm going to talk to people who get why I say that blogging freaks me out and encourages me all at the same time.

Until then I'll keep reading, writing, commenting, video-chatting, and the like.

Blogging is crazy. It's odd. It's fun. I love it. I hate it. I'm sticking around.

Watch out #influenceconf - this girl is coming next year!