intention means nothing

While at Influence, I was privileged to hear from Shauna Niequist.

There are numerous things that she said that have stuck out to me. I wrote quickly as she shared her thoughts, but there was one line in particular that has actually impacted my everyday.

If it it just a vague intention, it won't happen.

She urged the importance of follow through. 

How if you say hey I want to hang out with you, you have to follow up with what's your schedule? let's get it written down.

Since then, I've been making a better attempt at being intentional.

I follow up "oh you wanna do coffee" with "when works?". And then I open up my calendar and get things down.

It's simple but it's necessary.

Intention means nothing without action.

How are you intentional, or better, how do you take action?

a more realistic meet and greet.

Amidst my Monday, I found myself reading these words by Hayley Morgan (aka the tiny twig) that she wrote last year before the influence conference:

" . . . most likely the girl you perceive behind the blog is a little different and a little more vulnerable in real life."

I recognized a lot of my fears in that statement because I'm genuinely nervous about going to influence.

See, when I found out back in April that I probably wouldn't be able to go the conference, I was very sad. I cried and I mourned, and I found my peace knowing that at least this way I wouldn't be disappointed.

Disappointed in the conference?
Disappointed in the people I would meet?

No. Disappointed in the fact that I can never measure up to the girl I measure myself by.

I've never met the girl that I measure myself by, most likely because, actually fully for sure because that girl doesn't exist.

She can't exist.

I'm nervous that I'll offend somebody by not knowing or remembering their name.

I'm nervous that I'll share too much, too little, or too something.

I'm nervous I'll say something that will cause somebody I respect to no longer respect me.

I'm terrified about my business cards. I'm terrified because the girl in that picture is wearing bold lipstick and a bold headband, and most days I really just like drinking my coffee and not leaving a lipstick stain. I'm so scared because I'm really not as cool as the girl in my own picture.

I'm also feeling a bit wounded already, and I know I am going to come into the conference feeling really tender to the touch. I'll have just packed up my apartment the day before and when I come back from the conference I'll move the next day.

I've been ready to take down my conference meet and greet since before I even posted it. I feel like I shared this confident girl who has a put together life, where actually I'm constantly at battle with my own thoughts, and have never had to take every thought captive in the same way that I am now. I'm tender and hurt, and feel like every 8th word hurts my feelings right now. So much so that if I knew how to disable my comments I would, simply because I know that even kind words hurt sometimes.

Maybe you're feeling a little bit like me. You're scared you'll forget an important item, or that you'll say a name wrong. (P.S. My name is pronounced Nay-Deen, not Nah-Deen. P.P.S. I'll give you grace if you don't say it right. I promise.)

I want to wrap this post up with a pretty bow, with a truth like: we're going to be okay.

I know that truth, and you know that truth, so we have to cling to it. AND it's okay if we come to the conference and disappoint everybody. It really is okay. I'm planning on disappointing at least myself, so welcome to the club.

All of this to say, Haylie is right. The girl typing our blogs is more than likely a little less put together than she shares.

So I'm excited to see you at the conference (and if you're reading and not going to be at the conference, I'm excited to see you someday), and if you're feeling a bit tender and broken, we can sit together. We can laugh together, cry together, and I know that I'll more than likely do something silly. I just do that sometimes, usually if I'm feeling overwhelmed or excited - it's to differentiate for me sometimes. Or if you're feeling just super great about yourself, maybe you can pass along some wisdom to the girls like me who sometimes just feel a little bit unprepared.

Will you get me to the Influence Conference?

In May of last year, my internet life started to change.
I tweeted an article about Darling Magazine. The Be.Loved Blog favourited it and followed me. I clicked on over, saw what the blog was about, and noticed they were looking for writers, and submitted my name.

Soon after, I was asked to join the team. The founder, Kymberly, lived not to far from me, so we met up for an afternoon. We brainstormed ideas and just go tot know each other.

Either before or after that meeting, there was an online meeting. There, I met some amazing girls: Margaret, Ashlee, Amanda, Kymberly, and I cannot remember if the other writers were in the meeting. I don't think so. I connected with each and started following them on twitter.

Either in a video chat or on twitter or in an email, who knows it's a long time ago, Margaret mentioned that she wanted to go to a blogging conference in the fall.

The conference was called the influence conference.

I looked it up, and knew I was meant to go. I knew it.

I prayed about it, but just kept hearing no. I fought the no, but couldn't get the no out of my mind

Through reading about the conference, I found about some great people named Jessi, Hayley, and Casey. I started reading their blogs, and fell in love with their hearts for the gospel.

I connected especially with Jessi, and over the course of the next few months, we worked together to make my current blog design happen.

Long story short, I didn't go to the conference, though I did blog about it, but I did buy a founding member membership to the Influence Network.

Since January, I've been very active in the network. I really and truly believe in the mission behind it, the heart behind it, the truth that reigns over it - that Jesus is Lord.

I've wanted to go to this years conference. I was going to go, planned to go, all of a sudden wasn't sure if I could, thought I could, definitely couldn't, and then all of a sudden as of this past week - I can go again.

I emailed Ashley last week about sponsorship getting me there and she graciously told me that I needed to ask for help.

I decided that meant I shouldn't go, because I wasn't willing to put my pride aside and ask for help.

On Saturday, after a good and long conversation with my Mom, I tweeted asking for help.

Within twenty minutes, I'd had three friends let me know they wanted to help.

I checked my email and saw a friend who said she'd been thinking of me all week and really believed I'd make it.

This story is so beautiful and I wish I could tell every aspect.

I want to tell you how Shannon got a room by herself and her sweet baby, and how she decided to let me stay with her for free.

I want to tell you how numerous bloggers have given items so that I can create incentive for people to give to get me to influence.

I wish I could share more elouqently how much I believe in the network, in the conference, in blogging in general, in twitter, in instagram, in advertising, in so many things, but I can't.

I can tell you this though: I love Jesus. I love that He saved me from a life of sin so that I can have a full and beautiful life. Where that life's goal is to give all of my worship to Him, to love Him with everything to have, and to be a really good neighbour to every single person I ever get to meet.

I know that there is a lot of junk and darkness all over the internet. Just as much as I know that, I know that it doesn't have to be dark everywhere. This blog gets to be a light. My twitter feed gets to be bright. My instagram gets to shine. Darkness doesn't rule.

So friends, I am grateful that you've read this far. I'm even grateful if you just skimmed everything to get to the bottom so you can enter the giveaway. And I'm just as grateful to the friend who gives $200 as I am to the friend who gives $2. Both are huge to me.

This situation, and in general, my life over the past week, has humbled me, called out my pride, and questioned my identity.

There are a lot of reasons that fall into the "why I can't afford influence". If you feel a need to know, you're welcome to email me and ask, or you can just trust me when I say that life gets hard sometimes.

My identity is in Christ. And one thing He freed me from was fear, and so I am going to confidently ask you a question:

Will you get me to the Influence Conference?

Click HERE to get to the giveaway!

A Meetup of Influential Women

First. I am so excited that this is happening today!!!

what? what is happening Nadine? WHAT IS IT?

Well. Let me tell you. It's the best link-up ever! just kidding It's a link-up that I thought up myself and that is happening today through the help of the great, and I'm talking great, ladies who make the Influence Network run.

So anyhooo, back in January I had the idea of a link-up that would connect the various bloggers who make up the Influence Network (and the non-bloggers. I'm not sure how you will link-up, but if you leave a comment either here or on the Influence Blog, I know I'll see it, and so will many others). I contacted Hayley and she was all for it. She brought it to the team and we've been excitedly working to make it happen.

And today is the day!

So here is the deal.

If you're a current member of the Influence Network, you're invited to share with us! If you really want to link-up but aren't a member, well, today is the perfect day to become a member. Do so here!

Once you link your post, visit the blog of the person before you, and leave some kindness in the comments. (and this isn't a rule, but I dare ya to read a bunch of them, and to share comment love!)

Your post should include:

• 3 things about yourself
• 1 thing you have learned using the Network
• 1 photo of yourself that you absolutely love

So now that that's out of the way . . .

3 things about myself:

I decided to share things that might not come across on my blog.

1. I absolutely love home decor. I could spend days walking through Anthropologie, Ming Wo (a local kitchen store), or a local thrift store, searching for things to add to my home (aka I'd wander through the first two stores but find what I can afford at the thrift shop). I haven't had a chance to do it yet, but I plan to do a little home series at some point to share the physical space that I live in. I love it!

2. I think that I'm less extroverted than I used to be. When I've talked to people about it, they say that is just called growing up, but I'm not sure. I used to be the girl who would host parties on a monthly basis whereas now, up until this past weekend when I hosted my birthday party, I hadn't had a big group of people over in months and months. I have one on ones all the time, and like to invite smaller groups over for dinner and games nights, but it had been ages. I'm not sure if I like this change or not. I'm still deciding.

3. this one is hopefully more obvious to a consistent blog reader. I really love Jesus. I'm learning to love who He created me to be and how He created me, and I'm learning to walk in His identity for me. I love that He accept me now fully and completely, and that He calls me to keep seeking Him so that I can become more and more in His image. That's incredible to me. I love that He has allowed me to have this space where I get to share my heart, my struggles, my joys, my moments. I truly value this place and I really believe that He is working through it, which is very cool. I prayed a lot throughout last year working to deal with pride, and while I still have my prideful moments, I really feel freed from that to simply share truth here. It's a beautiful space for my heart to be, not seeking numbers, but praying for hearts. It's actually far less stressful as well.

What have I learned through the Influence Network?

I don't want this to come across as prideful, but I've really started to see value in my own voice. I thought that I would read through the forums and learn a lot, and I do, believe me I do, but more so than learning, I've been realizing that God has given me words to share. Sometimes it's scary and sometimes I'm not sure if I have it in me, but I've really felt led to share much of what I've written throughout the forums. I'm learning that my age doesn't hinder me on the forums. We're united by the Gospel of Jesus, so we all house voices that have purpose. One other practical thing I've learned. I never knew that Blogger stats were completely incorrect. I don't let stats rule my life, but I like to look at them because it excites me to Jesus working through my little voice. I've just this past weekend installed Google Analytics and I'm excited for that challenge and I'm definitely going to be looking to the forums to learn more.

One photo you love of yourself.

I just really like that my arms look skinny. It's an illusion I promise, but it's an illusion I'm alright with! And I like that the red ribbon-esk part of the dress isn't done up correctly. It bothered me for a long time, but somehow I find comfort in that - that a photo doesn't have to be perfect to be perfect.

Well there you have it! That's just a little bit about me! I hope you'll join in. I can't wait to read your words.

If you're on the fence, hop off the fence and into the party!