worship

I'm linking up with five minute friday today.

I stood alongside my church last night at a worship night in our new building. Through the generosity of many, we're moving into a large and huge building downtown. I've written about feeling small on its stage, on marveling at WHO God is.

Last night was a worship night.

I stood amidst friends, amidst believers in Jesus, and we sang and we sang and we sang.

I did my normal singing, harmonizing, raising my hands, raising my face to look at the ceiling - I always sense the Holy Spirit in the rafters. It's a sweet gift for my soul.

I did all my normal worship routines, things that mean so much to me, and I felt so little.

I stood singing truths, but in my mind I had to force myself to continue.

In scripture it shares to take every thought captive.

I had to do that last night as I sang truth. 

For the entirety of the service, I was combating the lies in my head.

Because the truth is the Christ died so that sinners may have abundant life.

It's a hard truth to remember when big huge securities in your life fall to the side.

And big huge securities in my life fell to the side this past week.

It's been a week of utmost worship to my King Jesus.

Of hard questions, of deep thoughts, of dance parties by myself simply to lighten the mood of my emotions.

It's been a week of worship.

So last night, as I stood in the crowd singing, I kept praying that God would break my hard heartedness.

That He would ruin my stiffness and give me Himself.

And then Oceans came on, and I could barely sing along because I've been singing that song for weeks, and I'm facing the repercussions of it now.

I prayed to have trust without borders and God has broken every border I know to exist.
I prayed for feet that go far, and I've never felt so pushed in my life.

I've felt deep grace in deep waters, abounding grace.

As those words came, I dropped to my knees and finally felt my heart melt.
But not in praise, in desperation.

As I heard my church sing the words, I prayed viciously,
no further.
please no further.
please no further.

I'm not sure what God has for me next, but though my heart is hurt and my life is a little crazy, I do know that He has a good plan.

deepest waters.

This song has been one that has kind of ruined me since I heard it.

When "ruined me" means absolutely has pieced me back together in areas I didn't even know were broken.

The words pierce my heart with hope.

Its truth sets me free to dream, to trust, to walk in full confidence that God is all that He has said He is.

There's been one line I've been singing over and over and over and over in my head.

Your grace abounds in deepest waters.

Grace means to be given something that one did not deserve.

And that grace is felt oh so much in the murky season, the muddiest days.

How have you experienced grace lately?

because God is control

You know that moment when you find out about something, and everybody looks at you like you're crazy for not knowing? That's the way I'm picturing you looking me right about . . . now.

Because I just listened to OCEANS by Hillsong for the first time on Tuesday, and man oh man, I was so blown away. Not at the beginning, not at the middle, but at the bridge. Upon a second and third listen, I now love every part of the song.

So if you like me, have been living under a rock, welcome to the new world where this song exists. And if you've heard it a thousand times, well than, here's another listen for you.

 

As I've listened to this song, over and over and over and over, this week, different waves have come over me.

Waves of peace that God is in control, and that I can confidently walk forward in whatever He calls me to because He is with me.

Waves of fear because God is in control, which means that I get to follow. I like leading. I like taking control. Following is harder for me. Quieting my heart to listen to His will is harder for me.

Waves of joy because God is in control. He is good. He is worthy of all of me. So I can joyously follow.

Waves of much more, all focusing on God being in control. He is good. I do love Him. And He does love me.

So I will sing these words over and over and over and over.

image from the lovely Jessi Connolly