Redeemed

There’s something you should know. 

I have always been and I will always be a sinner.

I wish it wasn’t true.

I wish I was drawn only to good things, and when I say good, I mean holy and righteous in the eyes of God.

But I’m not. 

I’m drawn to sin constantly.

I need Jesus all the time.

BUT I also need you to know something else.

I’ve been redeemed.

See long ago, God created the earth.

He created it perfectly and lived in community with His creation.

But they got distracted by their desires to serve themselves.

And the world got filled with sinners.

So God sent His son Jesus.

Jesus lived on earth.

Fully.

Day in, day out, childhood, adolescence, teen years, young adult, 33 or so years.

He never sinned.

Did you catch the part about Him never sinning ever? Cause that part consistently blows my mind.

No selfish motives.

No judgmental thoughts.

No regrets.

No disgrace.

He never sinned but He did call out the sinners.

He called them out by offering truth and forgiveness in a new way.

He offered Himself.

And people either followed Him or got pissed.

So pissed that they arranged to have Him killed.

He was killed on a cross, which is one of the worst ways a person could die.

Then He rose.

And when He rose, He defeated the power of sin by His own power.

He conquered all the power of sin.

He gave life.

Christ still speaks.

Follow me.

Your sins are forgiven.

Accept grace.

Receive hope.

Walk with Me.

Live.

I'm redeemed by Christ.
I rest completely safe in Christ.

Look

I've never done this Five Minute Friday thing before but last night moments after midnight, before tucking my face in my pillow for the night, I needed to write a few more words before sleep. These were them.



Look. Will you just let yourself look for one minute? Cause if you do you're going to notice that thing you've been missing.

Open your eyes sweet soul.

Open your joy again.

Look deep into the wells of your heart and grab back onto the hope you've held onto so long. Grab it back! Don't just hold it like it's natural. Recognize that hope is hard and hope is real.

Look! You're starting to catch on. You're starting to see that there is purpose in this season.

Look to the One who you love because He is the One who is always looking at you.

Look dear heart. His love is bigger than your fear. His grace is wider than your shame. His kindness covers your sorrows and His hands are covering you. Wait, His hands are cupping your face, drying your tears, and whispering this:

Look child, I'm here. Hope again.





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Love Out

Something happened today on twitter. I was doing my typical, hang out with people via the online world when I got a reply that said:

Um, that is fantastic. Write about that, stat. 

So I figuratively ran back to that convo to see what the heck I'd written. And of course, it's only good because it's inspired by my Mom.

Let me share the convo:

What I wrote there was inspired by my Mom. She was the Mom who didn't have to work when I was little. She started part-time around when I was 8 so I had a lot of years of just the two of us. My siblings are all significantly older than I am so I basically had all day with her everyday.

I get that these days, being with your kids is a lot harder. Money is tight everywhere, and staying at home with the kids is hard to come by. I pray that I'll get the opportunity some day to stay home with my own children if God leads me to marriage and parenting.

My Mom was the first person who I got to see everyday all day. I got to see how she loved (which is greatly), how she served (which is often), how she cared (which is a lot), and the list goes on. She showed me love in her actions to me and to everyone she met.

Nowadays I spend a lot of times with friends who have kids. I love the opportunity I have to love all.

But sometimes I hear a mom say something like:

tell Mommy how much you love her
who's your favourite person? MOMMY!!!
if you do that Mommy will love you more

And my heart hurts. 

Because that is not the right way (in my humble single girl opinion) to show or even gain love from your child.


I love my Mom not because she has ever said you had better love me now but because she is the most consistent person in my life. She loves me no matter what. She takes time to listen, time to care, time to offer wisdom, and time to let me figure things out by myself.

She is compassionate and kind. She is wise and loving.

She is never forceful. And on the rare occasion when she is, she's a fast apology.

I think this love translates to more than parenting though. It goes to friendship.

The line I tweeted bears repeating.

I *think* the key to gaining a good friendship with her is to love out more than you expect love in.

In every area of friendship in my life, I need to love out.

At my Mom's work, she is known for her kindness. When I talk to anyone who works with her, they always have kind words to say about her. It's because she's authentic to love.

And if I'm unsure of how to do that in my own life, in friendship and relationships, I can look to Jesus.

Well, I can look to Jesus when I'm unsure about anything.

He was the ultimate LOVE OUT person - to the point of death, even death on a cross!

He did it all for love, for our love.
And not to gain our love.
But to give us love.
Love, that if we accept it, leads to life.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us.
(1 John 4:18-19 ESV)

I want to love out.

How about you? How do you love out?

Authenticity Complacent

I used to think that I was good at being authentic. And when I say used, I mean like, up until the other night on a midnight walk with my roommate. We were chatting and she basically called me out on my fear. 

You’re so scared of what people think that you’re not willing to do anything.

My defense was that I try to please people because I don’t know if they’ll stay constant and forgive me. Whereas I know God will stay constant regardless of what I do.

When I think of how I try to please people, it probably looks and sounds good. I serve extra, I give extra, I love extra. All good things. 

All despicable things though if I’ve lost my first love.

My church recently went through the 7 letters in Revelation to the 7 churches. The letter to the church in Ephesus might as well be written to me:

            “‘I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false. I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name's sake, and you have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. (Revelation 2:2-5a ESV)

Gross – I hate when I realize a sin that I am sitting comfortable in – in this case complacency.

I’ve forgotten my first love.

I want to remember it.

My first love is Christ.

Here are some of my sermon notes. You can listen to the sermon here:

Verse 2 – “I know” – full and complete knowledge

This statement of “I know” can lead to comfort, discomfort, or even fright and should lead to all three. Jesus is speaking of their works, toil, patient endurance, bearing with evil, and then their deep sin of forgetting Him – their first love.

We never want to hear Jesus say I have this against you.

I think that’s the most frightening thing to ever hear from Jesus. Yet it also brings comfort because with correction always comes grace if married with repentance.

Christ calls them to remember, repent, return, and rekindle. Remember the death of Jesus. Repentance is not one time but is a life-long disposition and is much larger than a “sorry”. Returning  to the works that they did at first all of the time – with His love as their motive, which is what they're called to rekindle with.

Duty is not what He is asking for. He wants love because that will change everything.

I want to live for Jesus in everything, not for people. I’m genuinely unsure of how to do that because I’ve gotten far too talented at pleasing people. BUT I do want to change.

Authenticity for me means being honest about this.

During the walk with my roomie, she reminded me that I need to be willing to live. I should prayerfully consider what I do, AND I need to be willing to step out and take chances in life.

I’ve stayed too safe. I’ve tried to please the people.

I want my motivation for pleasing and loving people to be out of devotion and obedience to Christ.

My first love, and most important love, is Jesus. 

The Jesus that offers salvation for any who repent of sin and call upon His name - that Jesus.

(not) Influence(d)

What happens when you write a blog and you hear about an incredible conference?
Well, you look it up and you decide to go.

Until God says no - in the form of finances being too small to make it happen.

So you email the planners and see about sponsorship.
And they offer you suggestions and opportunities.
And you consider it.

And God says no - in the form of incredible unrest and zero peace about going to the conference.

So you pray and plead and almost cry about it.
Or at least that's what I did.

Back when influence was announced, I got so excited. I was sure that it was where I was meant to go. 

God kept saying no.
He kept saying wait.
He kept saying Nadine, trust ME!

I'm still not sure why He didn't let me go this year.
Scratch that, I do know. I know full well.



I could have gone. And I would have learned a lot of helpful things. I would have met Jesus (because Jesus always shows up when we ask Him to come) and I would have left so encouraged and uplifted and all that.


But sitting at home, watching tweet after tweet come by with the #influenceconf tag on it, I realized something.


Jesus was still with me here.


I could still learn at home.

AND He kept asking me when I was going to repent of jealousy.

I'd read the posts and get excited about what it said and then sad that I wasn't there.

I'd see yet another photo of smiling bloggers meeting, laughing, smiling, and building relations and I would look around and see nobody here.

So if Influence taught me one thing (and those tweets taught/encouraged me more than once), it was to always go to Jesus with my sin heavy soul and say "help".

Because He is faithful to help.

    As for me, I am poor and needy,
        but the Lord takes thought for me.
    You are my help and my deliverer;
        do not delay, O my God!
(Psalm 40:17 ESV)

He is faithful to help when I call upon His name.

And guess what?!? After a few prayers and conversations with Jesus to determine my motive and make sure He was on board with my plans, I bought my ticket for Influence Conference 2013. 

I'm so excited for less than a year from now.

Blogging is something that freaks me out. I question myself almost weekly. I feel funny when I tell people I'm a blogger because I never know what they'll say. 

Blogging is something that encourages me so much. I feel confident that I'm being faithful to a God who is more faithful than the sun always rising.

You realize that the sun always rises right? K cool.

In a year I'm going to hug a lot of friends. 
I'm going to talk to people who get why I say that blogging freaks me out and encourages me all at the same time.

Until then I'll keep reading, writing, commenting, video-chatting, and the like.

Blogging is crazy. It's odd. It's fun. I love it. I hate it. I'm sticking around.

Watch out #influenceconf - this girl is coming next year!