So did the blog title today make you wanna barf as much as I want to after writing it? Don't worry. This isn't a three hundred step guide to creating a Jesus. Or whatever else you thought it might be. It's just a conversation in print.
Last week I went for breakfast with a lovely friend Bethany. We enjoyed tasty benedicts, coffee, and conversation (a tasty conversation - yum)! We just recently started working together so it was fun to learn about where she's from and where she's going. It's always exciting to learn the passions of another and where God has placed their heartbeat.
We were talking about the ministry that we work in and the different joys and challenges that it brings. Oh non-profit life.
Do you ever have moments in conversation where you hear someones words and you realize that Jesus needs them to hear something? I call those Holy Spirit prompts. I love those moments. I'm also blown away by them because I'm not quite sure why God thinks I should be the one to share some truth.
Bethany was talking about the different people she models her life after and I just felt a little Holy Spirit prompt. I don't think I interupted her, because that would have been rude, but I did say something along the lines of,
We need to look to Jesus as our model because scripture shows us how it is we are meant to live in the life of Jesus. He served more than anyone. He cared for the poor and displaced more than anyone. He healed the broken, yet again, more than anyone. He also took time to rest. He got filled up and poured Himself out for everyone.
As I've been thinking about that conversation the past few days, I'm felt myself realize that there are a few people I need to stop modeling my life after.
I need to refocus my heart on Jesus and follow the Jesus model. It's not gross or cliche - it's true. Jesus is our model. We're called to be living in such a way that demonstrates our love for Him.
As much as there are many noble, honourable, and noteworthy people on earth, there is none like Jesus. He's the One! If we're looking anywhere but to Jesus as our model for how to live, we've largely missed the point of everything. He said "I AM the way".
03 June 2012
02 June 2012
Good Growth
From the Sight of a City Girl is about to get some changes!
I am very excited. I've been both wishfully and prayerfully considering making some changes for a while and have decided to bite the bullet (what does that even mean???)!
Some of what's to arrive is:
Blog Series!
Featured Blogs!
Consistent Posting! (only by HIS grace)
Navigation Bar! (woot woot!)
a New Template
and probably a new name!
I'm not quite sure what God's plan is for this blog and why He's putting it on my heart to make it a bigger aspect of my life, but His response to most of my questions is basically just one answer lately.
God, I'm not quite sure why this is the plan.
I know you don't Nadine. But I do.
Are you as excited (read:nervous, scared, not quite sure what God is doing) as I am?
I am very excited. I've been both wishfully and prayerfully considering making some changes for a while and have decided to bite the bullet (what does that even mean???)!
Some of what's to arrive is:
Blog Series!
Featured Blogs!
Consistent Posting! (only by HIS grace)
Navigation Bar! (woot woot!)
a New Template
and probably a new name!
I'm not quite sure what God's plan is for this blog and why He's putting it on my heart to make it a bigger aspect of my life, but His response to most of my questions is basically just one answer lately.
God, I'm not quite sure why this is the plan.
I know you don't Nadine. But I do.
Are you as excited (read:nervous, scared, not quite sure what God is doing) as I am?
29 May 2012
Remain
There's a battle going on currently for me. It's not very difficult or hard - but it's evident and seems to be growing.
It's between who God's calling me to be and who I've been for a while.
See, I'm a social butterfly. The amount of times I've been called that is almost embarrassing.
Sometimes the statement confuses me because I lived most of my life (aka high school) feeling out of the in crowd.
I grew up feeling as though I had to fight to fit in.
My heart grew harder and harder. But instead of pushing people away, I would continually invite them in. I would trust people and forgive endlessly, but not as a demonstration of my love for Christ. Simply as a means to survive and come off as a good Christian. If I left room for people to hurt me and expected them to, then I somehow wouldn't be as hurt when they succeeded my expectations.
I graduated high school and went overseas. It was one of the first times where I felt as though I could be cared for who I was. However people always came and left given the short-term missions nature.
Fast forward to moving to Vancouver a couple years ago. It took me a couple months to feel comfortable being in church again after spending a season fulfilling my selfishness and not living for Jesus. Eventually though, church started to feel like the home again. (Now church is my favourite place to be. There's no where I would rather be than surrounded by my church community learning and growing together)
I got involved. I started making friends. And every few months or so, I would find new friends. It was a safeguard and it worked. Before they could hurt me, I would just walk away. I would keep in touch and hang out occasionally but mostly I would just try to protect myself by running away. I said it worked right? Yep. Cause it did. I protected my bruised heart.
Up until recently, I haven't thought much of it. It just seemed natural.
But recently, God's been doing some work on my bruised heart.
He's been whispering things like,
I know you're ready to run, but you're not allowed to this time.
You need to tell them about your fear.
Trust in Me. I'm with you in this.
It will be hard to stay, but fleeing needs to stop.
This time you're going to remain.
A few months ago, I met a cool group of people. It came at a time when I was really hurting. Some situations were causing me to struggle and to be honest, I was fleeing my last set of friends. Not because they had done anything to hurt me, but to ensure that I would save them the trouble of needing to hurt me.
This past week, I hit the three month point.
I'm the queen of three months. I can be excited about something for rarely more than three months. If you look back at almost any season I've ever walked through, you'll see a pattern. Three months in things always being to need a change.
I'm three months into this group of friends. Eek.
Everything in me is telling me to flee. Everything in me is so scared to remain.
Because before I went to the church I'm in now and actually loved Jesus, people always failed me and Jesus wasn't that real to me.
People will always fail us because we're all sinners in need of a Saviour. God will always sustain us because He is that Saviour. That's how it works.
God is filled with love.
God replaces our fears with faith. He covers our scared souls with His gracious love.
I need more grace and He gives more. I think I've got enough and He gives even more. Praise Him!
Remain in Me. Only if You're willing to help me. Have I ever failed you yet?
It's between who God's calling me to be and who I've been for a while.
See, I'm a social butterfly. The amount of times I've been called that is almost embarrassing.
Sometimes the statement confuses me because I lived most of my life (aka high school) feeling out of the in crowd.
I grew up feeling as though I had to fight to fit in.
My heart grew harder and harder. But instead of pushing people away, I would continually invite them in. I would trust people and forgive endlessly, but not as a demonstration of my love for Christ. Simply as a means to survive and come off as a good Christian. If I left room for people to hurt me and expected them to, then I somehow wouldn't be as hurt when they succeeded my expectations.
I graduated high school and went overseas. It was one of the first times where I felt as though I could be cared for who I was. However people always came and left given the short-term missions nature.
Fast forward to moving to Vancouver a couple years ago. It took me a couple months to feel comfortable being in church again after spending a season fulfilling my selfishness and not living for Jesus. Eventually though, church started to feel like the home again. (Now church is my favourite place to be. There's no where I would rather be than surrounded by my church community learning and growing together)
I got involved. I started making friends. And every few months or so, I would find new friends. It was a safeguard and it worked. Before they could hurt me, I would just walk away. I would keep in touch and hang out occasionally but mostly I would just try to protect myself by running away. I said it worked right? Yep. Cause it did. I protected my bruised heart.
Up until recently, I haven't thought much of it. It just seemed natural.
But recently, God's been doing some work on my bruised heart.
He's been whispering things like,
I know you're ready to run, but you're not allowed to this time.
You need to tell them about your fear.
Trust in Me. I'm with you in this.
It will be hard to stay, but fleeing needs to stop.
This time you're going to remain.
A few months ago, I met a cool group of people. It came at a time when I was really hurting. Some situations were causing me to struggle and to be honest, I was fleeing my last set of friends. Not because they had done anything to hurt me, but to ensure that I would save them the trouble of needing to hurt me.
This past week, I hit the three month point.
I'm the queen of three months. I can be excited about something for rarely more than three months. If you look back at almost any season I've ever walked through, you'll see a pattern. Three months in things always being to need a change.
I'm three months into this group of friends. Eek.
Everything in me is telling me to flee. Everything in me is so scared to remain.
Because before I went to the church I'm in now and actually loved Jesus, people always failed me and Jesus wasn't that real to me.
People will always fail us because we're all sinners in need of a Saviour. God will always sustain us because He is that Saviour. That's how it works.
God is filled with love.
God replaces our fears with faith. He covers our scared souls with His gracious love.
I need more grace and He gives more. I think I've got enough and He gives even more. Praise Him!
Remain in Me. Only if You're willing to help me. Have I ever failed you yet?
28 May 2012
Hearts of Sugar
I'm a summer intern yo! And a part of the power team. My fellow intern and I named ourselves that, though to be fair I'd pretty sure it was my idea - I'm all about team names and motivation!
Part of my role at the non-profit I'm working for has to do with cooking meals. Let me tell you something - I'm a pretty good cook. Nothing incredible, but I can get a meal on a table and I find joy in it. I'm not scared to try making new things and I've got good understanding of the basics. Do you smell pride? No? Yeah, neither did I until suddenly I did.
And apparently so did God. After my two posts the other day about how great things were with God mid-day and then how crap to the p things were that night and after one of the most vicious prayers of my life, God felt it necessary to do some more work.
When I say one of the most vicious prayers of my life, I mean that I was honest with Jesus. It's rare that I get to the hair pulling, tears raging, heart pounding, hitting the wall in anger point of prayer. Last night, after writing the blog about comfort, I allowed myself to leave that comfort. Not in a sinful way, but in a broken and hurt and honest way. I laid things out with Him. I kind of felt like I was wrestling with God but not for control. I needed Him to take control of the issues.
I woke up refreshed and ready to walk forward without the issues I'd been letting drag me down.
Please read at least a little bit of humility in this (referring back to my statement about smelling pride). Sin can't stay hidden. Hidden sin grows and blossoms. Sin should never be blossoming. It should be trampled and ripped out for the weed it is. Exposed sin may still occur, but it won't occur silently anymore. People need to know - not in a "LOOK AT HOW MUCH I SIN" way that attracts attention to our issues, but in a "I sin and need Jesus to help me live out grace" way that points people to Jesus.
.
Anyways, like my post the other morning mentioned, God doesn't see fit for my growing season to be done. Growing should translate to being chopped down daily by grace - and in the most beautiful way.
.
So the other morning I worked. I got to work at 9 and started preparing breakfast for the people I needed to. I kept it basic - bacon and eggs. Is there anyone capable of ruining those things? Hm . . . apparently a girl needing to deal with her pride and fear issues.
The bacon - I put those meaty particles in the oven, which on any other day would have been the best idea. Put the oven to 350 and keep the bacon in for about 20 minutes. The bacon should taste delicious. Any other day. Any.
The eggs- I cracked the eggs, I whisked them together, I put them on the stove in the skillet. I cooked them, all was well. I added some peppers. All was well. I added some meat, and even still, all was well. All of it - it was well. I decided, hm, this needs some flavour and opened the cupboards. I'm not too familiar with where things are quite yet so I decided to just use the seasoning salt since it was the closest spice to me.
Picture this.
Seasoning salt held over eggs, a light shake where very little comes out. Hm, I should probably add some more. A bigger shake and BAM!!!!!!!!!!!, the cover comes falling off and the entire container of seasoning salt falls into the skillet.
I laugh (and died a little bit inside).
Because that's what I do. It's a daily choice where I choose laughter over tears. Sometimes I fail at that, or sometimes I choose anger, but for the most part, God's been working on softening my heart to a point of much laughter.
I start taking the seasoning salt off. The top pile comes off, but I realize quickly that this seasoning has quickly made itself quite comfortable and well acquainted with the dish. Thanks for that seasoning salt. Thanks a lot.
I don't panic, but I want to.
Mostly because I'm frustrated that breakfast is ruined.
And even more mostly because I just started this job and really really really really want them to like me. (Did you just smell some fear of man? Oh yeah, God's working on that too - don't worry)
I could write the details of what all occurred next, but let's just cut to the chase.
We ate bagels.
Because while I was dealing with the disaster, the bacon became overcooked.
It was a great morning.
I went for a little walk after breakfast in order to grab a coffee and to ask Jesus why it had to happen.
Nadine, you wanted them to love you based off of a dish. That's not why I love you, and that's not where you find your purpose. You find your purpose in your love for Me. My love for you is enough.
Live out your love for me. Bake and cook and clean to My glory, not yours.
Okay fine.
.
Just so you know, I just spent that evening making a very very very very delicious batch of chocolate chip cookies.
I even used my new heart shaped measuring cups. Because when I bake, I bake not only from the heart, but with the heart(s).
These cookies were an act of joy - not an act to gain joy.
I'm doomed for disaster until grace overtakes me.
Part of my role at the non-profit I'm working for has to do with cooking meals. Let me tell you something - I'm a pretty good cook. Nothing incredible, but I can get a meal on a table and I find joy in it. I'm not scared to try making new things and I've got good understanding of the basics. Do you smell pride? No? Yeah, neither did I until suddenly I did.
And apparently so did God. After my two posts the other day about how great things were with God mid-day and then how crap to the p things were that night and after one of the most vicious prayers of my life, God felt it necessary to do some more work.
When I say one of the most vicious prayers of my life, I mean that I was honest with Jesus. It's rare that I get to the hair pulling, tears raging, heart pounding, hitting the wall in anger point of prayer. Last night, after writing the blog about comfort, I allowed myself to leave that comfort. Not in a sinful way, but in a broken and hurt and honest way. I laid things out with Him. I kind of felt like I was wrestling with God but not for control. I needed Him to take control of the issues.
I woke up refreshed and ready to walk forward without the issues I'd been letting drag me down.
Please read at least a little bit of humility in this (referring back to my statement about smelling pride). Sin can't stay hidden. Hidden sin grows and blossoms. Sin should never be blossoming. It should be trampled and ripped out for the weed it is. Exposed sin may still occur, but it won't occur silently anymore. People need to know - not in a "LOOK AT HOW MUCH I SIN" way that attracts attention to our issues, but in a "I sin and need Jesus to help me live out grace" way that points people to Jesus.
.
Anyways, like my post the other morning mentioned, God doesn't see fit for my growing season to be done. Growing should translate to being chopped down daily by grace - and in the most beautiful way.
.
So the other morning I worked. I got to work at 9 and started preparing breakfast for the people I needed to. I kept it basic - bacon and eggs. Is there anyone capable of ruining those things? Hm . . . apparently a girl needing to deal with her pride and fear issues.
The bacon - I put those meaty particles in the oven, which on any other day would have been the best idea. Put the oven to 350 and keep the bacon in for about 20 minutes. The bacon should taste delicious. Any other day. Any.
The eggs- I cracked the eggs, I whisked them together, I put them on the stove in the skillet. I cooked them, all was well. I added some peppers. All was well. I added some meat, and even still, all was well. All of it - it was well. I decided, hm, this needs some flavour and opened the cupboards. I'm not too familiar with where things are quite yet so I decided to just use the seasoning salt since it was the closest spice to me.
Picture this.
Seasoning salt held over eggs, a light shake where very little comes out. Hm, I should probably add some more. A bigger shake and BAM!!!!!!!!!!!, the cover comes falling off and the entire container of seasoning salt falls into the skillet.
I laugh (and died a little bit inside).
Because that's what I do. It's a daily choice where I choose laughter over tears. Sometimes I fail at that, or sometimes I choose anger, but for the most part, God's been working on softening my heart to a point of much laughter.
I start taking the seasoning salt off. The top pile comes off, but I realize quickly that this seasoning has quickly made itself quite comfortable and well acquainted with the dish. Thanks for that seasoning salt. Thanks a lot.
I don't panic, but I want to.
Mostly because I'm frustrated that breakfast is ruined.
And even more mostly because I just started this job and really really really really want them to like me. (Did you just smell some fear of man? Oh yeah, God's working on that too - don't worry)
I could write the details of what all occurred next, but let's just cut to the chase.
We ate bagels.
Because while I was dealing with the disaster, the bacon became overcooked.
It was a great morning.
I went for a little walk after breakfast in order to grab a coffee and to ask Jesus why it had to happen.
Nadine, you wanted them to love you based off of a dish. That's not why I love you, and that's not where you find your purpose. You find your purpose in your love for Me. My love for you is enough.
Live out your love for me. Bake and cook and clean to My glory, not yours.
Okay fine.
.
Just so you know, I just spent that evening making a very very very very delicious batch of chocolate chip cookies.
I even used my new heart shaped measuring cups. Because when I bake, I bake not only from the heart, but with the heart(s).
These cookies were an act of joy - not an act to gain joy.
I'm doomed for disaster until grace overtakes me.
27 May 2012
photo-ofme-graphy
Tay has a beautiful heart. We met summers and summers ago when we worked together at camp. We became deep, long-lasting friends when we were paired together as counsellors. I was (and still am) a few years older and it was Taylor (or as her camp name - Liberty)'s first full week in cabin.
I might not have been the best influence - I definitely introduced her into the CRAZY land of Nadine (or Tic-Toc as I go by at camp). Can you picture me at camp? I know I've mentioned it before - but I think camp is the best place. I don't have the picture on my computer, but deep in my facebook history lies a great pictures of Tay and I. We let our campers cover our faces in a lot of facepaint. So much so that my sister, the camp nurse for the week, had to help us get it off because regular soap just wasn't cutting it.
We had in that week, and have had over the years, many a good and deep conversation. I love that girl.
Taylor is beautiful and lovely. She just got married last year to her high school sweetheart. She spends her days taking pictures, editing them, and taking care of her sweet little animals! She and her hubby live in a cute cottage on a lake, and her wonderful family lives just moments away.
I got to spend a day soaking up time with her and being mighty blessed by the conversations I heard. Her sister Leah is a budding star - I'm not kidding when I say you'll be hearing of her in the coming years. Her Mom is just a beacon filled with truth - I love when I have conversations with people where I wish I could record them and play them back to learn stuff I might have missed the first time.
Here's a few photos from our shoot!
My version of potty humour. (cue awkward giggle - thanks)
That's all for now.
Almost.
Speaking of nothing in particular in order to change the subject, I spend a lot of time being myself. I hope you do as well. My version of being myself often involves awkward dance moves, silly noises, long drawn-out conversations, and of course singing. I wanted to add this photo because I took it while baking the other day and singing along to the songs. This is my dorky self in all its glory. No glitz - no glam - just pizazzzzz!
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