I've been thinking a lot about the post I wrote the other day on not being okay, and being okay with that.
It's got more feedback than normal on that post. I've had more friends comment about it, some messages, a few actual blog comments.
I know (and I pray) that God will use this blog through anything I post but it is definitely interesting to see which posts garner a lot of attention. This one on living a life of pages got the most I've ever seen around these parts of the blog world. This one here on living a life that doesn't "do it all myself" also hit home for people.
And then there's this one. After I wrote it, God and I wrestled. Or at least we sort of did. It wasn't physical quite like Jacob's battle, but it was physical in the sense that Jesus won. I'd written that post with a bit of honesty mixed with some embellishment. I hadn't yet found comfort. I wanted it, and I knew God would bring it, but I hadn't actually surrendered my issues to Him quite yet. I went to bed that night and I yelled at Him. I cried. I wept. I hurt. And then I surrendered. It hurt. It was hard. But that's sanctification.
In the morning, I tentatively asked my roommate if she'd heard me the night before. Nope. Oh good. . . I don't quite know how she didn't hear me. I'll give that miracle credit to Jesus.
I want to write with purpose. I desire to share what God is doing, because God is doing stuff. I see it in my life, I see it in the lives of those around me. I watch it happen in a lot of the blogs I read. People being honest about who Jesus is, what they struggle with, and how much they need Him.
I posted something a bit ago. It's actually one of my favourite pieces I've written in a while. I think it's because a lot of the words are copyrighted to Jesus. It was on prayer. Have you read it? It makes me excited when I re-read the post. I know this might sound odd, or like pride, but trust me, being excited about sometime God put on your tongue keyboard isn't always pride. Sometimes it's joy: the kind of joy that for me only arrives when I lean on the Holy Spirit instead of myself.
As I drove home Monday night, I was praying about something, and I just told Jesus how cool it is that I can trust Him with it. I can trust Him because He is God and He knows all things. He works all things for His glory, so I can rest easy (I feel like I say that a lot - that I can let go of control because He is in control, that I can have faith because He is God, etc.). That's hugely comforting. I hope you know Jesus. I really do. I hope you love Him with your whole heart. That you live out the Gospel and that you're a Christian who shows your faith in actions, words, and truth.
I need to become okay with the fact that not all my words will bring in views. I'm not always okay with it (because this girl has huge pride issues and lack of confidence issues and overabundance in fear issues) but I am loved by the King of kings. That helps ease all issues something fierce.
Pride is overcome when I confess it as sin, repent of that sin, and replace it by giving all praise to Jesus.
Lack of confidence is overcome when I confess it as sin, repent of that sin, and rest in the fact that my confidence is in Christ.
Fear is overcome when I confess it as sin, repent of that sin, and replace it with faith and love.
