an Optical Illusion

Last weekend we had a baby shower for my sweet baby niece Eliana. She might just be the cutest thing I've ever seen (but only if I'm not counting my other 7 nieces and nephews - mega cute humans come out of my siblings).

I spent more time during the past few weeks either at my sister's or my parent's place to be with family. All of my siblings were home. It was lovely.

It's been a good change of pace. I love my city life but it's nice to go home, to feel like I'm covered on all sides.

I'm in a season of really needing to be covered on all sides. Jesus shows up for me right now in conversations with the people who I know are on my side.

So it was the day of the shower.

I was emotional. Oh man. EMOTIONAL!

I cried with my sisters. They reminded me of where my value comes from, called me out on some stuff (in that super lovingly way that only sisters can), and basically covered me in love and pointed me back to Jesus.

I went to run a quick errand and took an extra long time because I needed to cry more.

See I know I've mentioned it before (a lot), but jealousy is a big sin area for me. 

I'm jealous of anybody who is married and has little children. Well, maybe not everyone. 

And not everyday. But some days man, oh man. 

Hello sin issue. Oh hi.

I need grace always.

I have to go to Jesus constantly and hand control back over to Him. I probably also need to recognize that I never had taken the control. It's all an optical illusion right?

And so I had been doing that.

I pulled my car up to the house and parked the car. I cried one last time, wiped my tears and said " Jesus help me. I need Your help to make it through tonight".

I walked inside, sat down to eat dinner, and long story short(er-ish), my family started to act silly.

Go find your early Christmas gift.

So I did.

And they blessed me huge.


And even now just thinking about it, I'm overwhelmed because when I confess my sin and ask Jesus to help me, my expectation is a small dose of grace - just enough for the moment.

But that's not what grace is. Grace isn't just enough.

I KNOW that His grace covers all but I keep thinking Jesus will switch it up and simply hand me just a little bit or that His grace will end.

I'm NO prosperity gospel person but I do believe that God calls His people to prosper in Him.

My family gave me a gift.
God gave me my family.

I didn't cry for a few more hours.

And the shower was much fun!

 

All in all a success.