Trust is such a funny thing, isn't it? We trust someone, they fail us, and we lose trust. We don't trust anyone, the fail us, and we're reenforcing ourselves. We try to stay mildly unattached to anything to save our self from pain. We decide to trust everyone, forgive everything, and then don't understand why we are frustrated with people.
Worry and fear, painfully close friends are often nearby the absence of trust. We trust but what if? What if nothing works? What if everything works? What if ...?
Fear is such a crutch. Crutches are supposed to help right though? They help us relearn how to walk when we've fallen. Eventually though we have to let go of them and walk on our own.
But trust, that's a different issue. So is fear the absence of trust? For me, my fears and lack of trust are never in God. Well, never is a strong word. Let's say, rarely. Sometimes I remind God of some ideas I have for the future. He's usually quite nice in how He reacts. Sometimes a laugh so hard it sounds like a thunderstorm, and sometimes it's even like a giggle like a light rain. Quite kind really. I do a lot of that. Letting God know my ideas for my future. Timelines that I have for everything. It's especially good for things that I have no control over. He loves that.
The beauty of it, from the God that I know, is that He does love it. I've never felt as though God is diminishing my thoughts or feelings. Often God has to teach me, and reteach me His will, and remind me of where to place my next step. I had a conversation a while back where I told someone that I love when I get convicted for certain things, because it makes me know that God is evidently working. This person told me that I was crazy, and that I didn't mean it. But I think it is because they thought I meant I liked being condemned. I don't like that, largely because that isn't from the Lord. The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, and rich in love. That's the Lord I know, because that is the Lord.
Anyways though, I get a verse a day from a man from my old church. I think it's this great ministry that he does. It's not that complicated, but it's a great way to literally get one tiny portion of scripture into every day - guaranteed.
Today's was one of those ones that came right on time.
Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD. (Leviticus 19:18)
Though you might read that, and feel that I should have been convicted against anger for others, to me, I saw it as a beautiful description of Jesus reminding me to trust in His plan. I don't need to worry, to fret, to fear, to blame others for things, or to place trust in things of human nature. I need to love. I need to trust the LORD for everything! Everything! It's a huge task, but graciously, God is able.
God is the Lord. Wow. You know that feeling when something really really good happens, and you get super excited, and get goosebumps, and everything seems to get brighter for a moment - that's the way it is. God is the Lord! God made us, loves us, and is constantly working.
Whom then shall I fear?