29 May 2012


There's a battle going on currently for me. It's not very difficult or hard - but it's evident and seems to be growing.

It's between who God's calling me to be and who I've been for a while.

See, I'm a social butterfly. The amount of times I've been called that is almost embarrassing.

Sometimes the statement confuses me because I lived most of my life (aka high school) feeling out of the in crowd.

I grew up feeling as though I had to fight to fit in.

My heart grew harder and harder. But instead of pushing people away, I would continually invite them in. I would trust people and forgive endlessly, but not as a demonstration of my love for Christ. Simply as a means to survive and come off as a good Christian. If I left room for people to hurt me and expected them to, then I somehow wouldn't be as hurt when they succeeded my expectations.

I graduated high school and went overseas. It was one of the first times where I felt as though I could be cared for who I was. However people always came and left given the short-term missions nature.

Fast forward to moving to Vancouver a couple years ago. It took me a couple months to feel comfortable being in church again after spending a season fulfilling my selfishness and not living for Jesus. Eventually though, church started to feel like the home again. (Now church is my favourite place to be. There's no where I would rather be than surrounded by my church community learning and growing together)

I got involved. I started making friends. And every few months or so, I would find new friends. It was a safeguard and it worked. Before they could hurt me, I would just walk away. I would keep in touch and hang out occasionally but mostly I would just try to protect myself by running away. I said it worked right? Yep. Cause it did. I protected my bruised heart.

Up until recently, I haven't thought much of it. It just seemed natural.

But recently, God's been doing some work on my bruised heart.

He's been whispering things like,

I know you're ready to run, but you're not allowed to this time.
You need to tell them about your fear.
Trust in Me. I'm with you in this.
It will be hard to stay, but fleeing needs to stop.
This time you're going to remain. 

A few months ago, I met a cool group of people. It came at a time when I was really hurting. Some situations were causing me to struggle and to be honest, I was fleeing my last set of friends. Not because they had done anything to hurt me, but to ensure that I would save them the trouble of needing to hurt me.

This past week, I hit the three month point.

I'm the queen of three months. I can be excited about something for rarely more than three months. If you look back at almost any season I've ever walked through, you'll see a pattern. Three months in things always being to need a change.

I'm three months into this group of friends. Eek.

Everything in me is telling me to flee. Everything in me is so scared to remain.

Because before I went to the church I'm in now and actually loved Jesus, people always failed me and Jesus wasn't that real to me.

People will always fail us because we're all sinners in need of a Saviour. God will always sustain us because He is that Saviour. That's how it works.

God is filled with love.

God replaces our fears with faith. He covers our scared souls with His gracious love.

I need more grace and He gives more. I think I've got enough and He gives even more. Praise Him!

Remain in Me. Only if You're willing to help me. Have I ever failed you yet?

28 May 2012

Hearts of Sugar

I'm a summer intern yo! And a part of the power team. My fellow intern and I named ourselves that, though to be fair I'd pretty sure it was my idea - I'm all about team names and motivation!

Part of my role at the non-profit I'm working for has to do with cooking meals. Let me tell you something - I'm a pretty good cook. Nothing incredible, but I can get a meal on a table and I find joy in it. I'm not scared to try making new things and I've got good understanding of the basics. Do you smell pride? No? Yeah, neither did I until suddenly I did.

And apparently so did God. After my two posts the other day about how great things were with God mid-day and then how crap to the p things were that night and after one of the most vicious prayers of my life, God felt it necessary to do some more work.

When I say one of the most vicious prayers of my life, I mean that I was honest with Jesus. It's rare that I get to the hair pulling, tears raging, heart pounding, hitting the wall in anger point of prayer. Last night, after writing the blog about comfort, I allowed myself to leave that comfort. Not in a sinful way, but in a broken and hurt and honest way. I laid things out with Him. I kind of felt like I was wrestling with God but not for control. I needed Him to take control of the issues
I woke up refreshed and ready to walk forward without the issues I'd been letting drag me down.

Please read at least a little bit of humility in this (referring back to my statement about smelling pride). Sin can't stay hidden. Hidden sin grows and blossoms. Sin should never be blossoming. It should be trampled and ripped out for the weed it is. Exposed sin may still occur, but it won't occur silently anymore. People need to know - not in a "LOOK AT HOW MUCH I SIN" way that attracts attention to our issues, but in a "I sin and need Jesus to help me live out grace" way that points people to Jesus.


Anyways, like my post the other morning mentioned, God doesn't see fit for my growing season to be done. Growing should translate to being chopped down daily by grace - and in the most beautiful way.


So the other morning I worked. I got to work at 9 and started preparing breakfast for the people I needed to. I kept it basic - bacon and eggs. Is there anyone capable of ruining those things? Hm . . . apparently a girl needing to deal with her pride and fear issues.
The bacon - I put those meaty particles in the oven, which on any other day would have been the best idea. Put the oven to 350 and keep the bacon in for about 20 minutes. The bacon should taste delicious. Any other day. Any.

The eggs- I cracked the eggs, I whisked them together, I put them on the stove in the skillet. I cooked them, all was well. I added some peppers. All was well. I added some meat, and even still, all was well. All of it - it was well. I decided, hm, this needs some flavour and opened the cupboards. I'm not too familiar with where things are quite yet so I decided to just use the seasoning salt since it was the closest spice to me.

Picture this.

Seasoning salt held over eggs, a light shake where very little comes out. Hm, I should probably add some more. A bigger shake and BAM!!!!!!!!!!!, the cover comes falling off and the entire container of seasoning salt falls into the skillet.

I laugh (and died a little bit inside).

Because that's what I do. It's a daily choice where I choose laughter over tears. Sometimes I fail at that, or sometimes I choose anger, but for the most part, God's been working on softening my heart to a point of much laughter.

I start taking the seasoning salt off. The top pile comes off, but I realize quickly that this seasoning has quickly made itself quite comfortable and well acquainted with the dish. Thanks for that seasoning salt. Thanks a lot.

I don't panic, but I want to.

Mostly because I'm frustrated that breakfast is ruined.

And even more mostly because I just started this job and really really really really want them to like me. (Did you just smell some fear of man? Oh yeah, God's working on that too - don't worry)

I could write the details of what all occurred next, but let's just cut to the chase.

We ate bagels.

Because while I was dealing with the disaster, the bacon became overcooked.

It was a great morning.

I went for a little walk after breakfast in order to grab a coffee and to ask Jesus why it had to happen.

Nadine, you wanted them to love you based off of a dish. That's not why I love you, and that's not where you find your purpose. You find your purpose in your love for Me. My love for you is enough.

Live out your love for me. Bake and cook and clean to My glory, not yours.

Okay fine.


Just so you know, I just spent that evening making a very very very very delicious batch of chocolate chip cookies. 

I even used my new heart shaped measuring cups. Because when I bake, I bake not only from the heart, but with the heart(s).

These cookies were an act of joy - not an act to gain joy.

I'm doomed for disaster until grace overtakes me.

27 May 2012


My dear dear dear friend Taylor of Taylor Rebecca Photography and I recently hung out. She lives in Ontario so I made sure to visit her on my recent trip out. She's incredible at her work and spent time making me look far better than normal. You can check out her work on her sites and if you'd like you can read her post about little 'ol me over here.

Tay has a beautiful heart. We met summers and summers ago when we worked together at camp. We became deep, long-lasting friends when we were paired together as counsellors. I was (and still am) a few years older and it was Taylor (or as her camp name - Liberty)'s first full week in cabin.

I might not have been the best influence - I definitely introduced her into the CRAZY land of Nadine (or Tic-Toc as I go by at camp). Can you picture me at camp? I know I've mentioned it before - but I think camp is the best place. I don't have the picture on my computer, but deep in my facebook history lies a great pictures of Tay and I. We let our campers cover our faces in a lot of facepaint. So much so that my sister, the camp nurse for the week, had to help us get it off because regular soap just wasn't cutting it.

We had in that week, and have had over the years, many a good and deep conversation. I love that girl.

Taylor is beautiful and lovely. She just got married last year to her high school sweetheart. She spends her days taking pictures, editing them, and taking care of her sweet little animals! She and her hubby live in a cute cottage on a lake, and her wonderful family lives just moments away.

I got to spend a day soaking up time with her and being mighty blessed by the conversations I heard. Her sister Leah is a budding star - I'm not kidding when I say you'll be hearing of her in the coming years. Her Mom is just a beacon filled with truth - I love when I have conversations with people where I wish I could record them and play them back to learn stuff I might have missed the first time.

Here's a few photos from our shoot!

My version of potty humour. (cue awkward giggle - thanks)

That's all for now. 


Speaking of nothing in particular in order to change the subject, I spend a lot of time being myself. I hope you do as well. My version of being myself often involves awkward dance moves, silly noises, long drawn-out conversations, and of course singing. I wanted to add this photo because I took it while baking the other day and singing along to the songs. This is my dorky self in all its glory. No glitz - no glam - just pizazzzzz!

25 May 2012

Caught Tears

Anyone else ever have those moments where everything is perfect? Right until it isn't?

I'm so grateful for my Saviour.

I rejoice in the truth shared in Revelation 21 when I learn that someday there will be no more tears, or mourning, or crying or pain because the old order (this world that is filled with sin) will have been passed away.

I gain comfort from Psalm 56 where I learn that the Lord keeps track of my tears. That's a big job.

I take a small ounce of peace in knowing that I am not the only one who mourns areas of life. I can look at David in numerous places (or Psalm 6 or Psalm 25 or basically any other Psalm - let's be honest, David was an emotional dude) or a lot of that comfort from Jesus (in Matthew 14) when scripture shares that Jesus mourned a death of a friend.

I can take deep joy in knowing that Jesus walked through all I walk through and remained faithful until the very end and beyond.

    Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.
(1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 ESV)

I take comfort in Christ.

I take my comfort in Jesus because Jesus is my sustenance. He is my daily bread and my lifetime friend.

    Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone?
(Matthew 7:9 ESV)

God is not in the habit of handing out stones. God is faithful to fulfill His promises. His biggest promise (I would say) is grace.

Grace is overwhelming.

I need it so much.

Tonight I whispered to God,

"God, I'm not quite sure why this is happening" and He said, "Relax, I know what's going on".

Thank you Lord. I'm going to keep trusting in God for all these issues that burden my heart today.

    But I, through the abundance of your steadfast love,
        will enter your house.
    I will bow down toward your holy temple
        in the fear of you.

(Psalm 5:7 ESV)

(non) Grumpy Hearts

This morning's prayer:

Me: God, do you think we could go like, a few days or something without you teaching me something or revealing a new sin issue?

God: Um, maybe when that isn't your prayer anymore we can think about it.

Me: hm ... you're right. Wow, good job on convicting my heart even while I'm praying to you.

God: Yeah, I know. 

I keep waiting to be let out of this season of constant conviction, consistent need for change, and growing need for Jesus. Yet I also never want to be let out of this because I'll always need more Jesus, there are always sin issues that desperately need the transforming work of the Holy Spirit through grace, and I'm one hundred percent positive that God is never going to be done showing sweet conviction to my heart.

At my new job, there is a verse that sits (very strategically I think) above the dishes area.

It reads:

Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. 
(Colossians 3:23)

That's my prayer for (most) everything right now.

That I would work willingly at whatever I do.

Because I am working for the Lord.

We're working for the Lord so let's do it without grumbling or complaining. (Do all things without grumbling or disputing - Philippians 2:14 ESV - it's in the Bible, so let's just go ahead and do all thing without grumpy hearts)

This morning as I did the dishes and looked at that verse, I had a verse float through my mind -

Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise.
(James 5:13 ESV)

Life is golden for me right now. I have a new job, new roommate, and lots of other good stuff going on. God's given me some freedom in areas where I was holding onto my chains. He's broken free a lot of stuff that had been shut in for far too long. I opened up to some friends about sin issues in my life, and that is always a good thing - hidden sin remains growing sin while exposed sin must be dealt with. Sweet conviction is covering my every move it seems - and that wasn't pride speaking, that was gratefulness for grace speaking.

So I'm cheerful.

Why am I joyful? Because I love Jesus.

So I'm going to sing some praise.

21 May 2012

Life of Pages

This morning, I was chatting with a friend who lives hours and hours away. Does anyone else just get blown away by technology sometimes? Like - think about a telephone. Wow. Praise God!
Anyways, we were talking about our lives. And I was talking about the whirlwind my summer job situation has been. I have one starting tomorrow, but it really took a lot of time, prayer, patience and trust to get to this point.
I said a line at one point that made me want to come here today and write about it.
Sometimes I stress about things and God says, “why are you worrying about that - just wait a couple pages. I’ve got your whole book up here”.
God’s perspective is beautiful and huge and HUGE and HUGE and HUGE! I needed to write that a few times to just really emphasize His vast presence. God knows what is going on. He know the behind the scenes, around of the scenes, and the hundred thousand years from now scenes.
The places I’m in, the experiences I’m going through, the good and the bad, it’s all just a page. God’s got my whole book in His hands. It’s pretty inspiring and heart warming (and to be honest, super overwhelming) to think about it.
God is huge and wonderful and big and perfect.
So today I’m choosing to trust in His plan.
My plan, in comparison, really is the worst.
My plan consists of today, a little bit of tomorrow, and fake days after that.
God’s plan consists of yesterday, today, and forever. Wowzas.

I live a life of pages. God's font, writing, and spacing.

06 May 2012

Word Pictures

“There’s something sacred about reading a blog post on someone else’s site. It’s like visiting a friend’s house for a quick meal ’round the breakfast table. It’s personal—you’re in their space, and the environment is uniquely suited for idea exchange and uninterrupted conversation. In many ways, we should be treating our blogs like our breakfast tables. Be welcoming & gracious when you host, and kind & respectful when visiting.” – Trent Walton
I read that quote on a blog today. I think it is such a beautiful word picture of what I want my blog to be. I want it to be welcoming and filled with words of wisdom to share with you on your journey, wherever you are. I always want to write words that have purpose and meaning, sharing the joys and sorrows, always centered on my deep and sincere love and pursuit of Christ.
What is yet to come? You'd better believe that I have no idea. The only idea I have is the truth, that Christ is real. He's real, and He is going to do work in my heart. I know that because He is far more consistent than Vancouver rain.

04 May 2012

Psalm 96

Psalm 96 (this style)
Supplementary verses (this style)

    Oh sing to the LORD a new song; 
Oh sing to the LORD a new song, for he has done marvelous things! His right hand and his holy arm have worked salvation for him. 
Psalm 98:1 
    sing to the LORD, all the earth! 
And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation. 
Mark 16:15 
    Sing to the LORD, bless his name;  
Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; worship the LORD in the splendor of holiness. 
Psalm 29:2 
    tell of his salvation from day to day. 
How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who publishes peace, who brings good news of happiness, who publishes salvation, who says to Zion, “Your God reigns.” 
Isaiah 52:7 
    Declare his glory among the nations, 
O Lord, open my lips  and my mouth will declare your praise. 
Psalm 51:15 
    his marvelous works among all the peoples! 
As for me, I would seek God, and to God would I commit my cause, who does great things and unsearchable, marvelous things without number: he gives rain on the earth and sends waters on the fields; he sets on high those who are lowly, and those who mourn are lifted to safety. 
Job 5:8-11 
    For great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised;  
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
1 Peter 1:3-5 
    he is to be feared above all gods. 
For I know that the LORD is great, and that our Lord is above all gods. Whatever the LORD pleases, he does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and all deeps. He it is who makes the clouds rise at the end of the earth, who makes lightnings for the rain and brings forth the wind from his storehouses.
Psalm 135:5-7   
    For all the gods of the peoples are worthless idols,  
Thus says the LORD, the King of Israel and his Redeemer, the LORD of hosts: “I am the first and I am the last; besides me there is no god. Who is like me? Let him proclaim it. Let him declare and set it before me, since I appointed an ancient people. Let them declare what is to come, and what will happen.
Isaiah 44:6-7 
    but the LORD made the heavens. 
For the word of the LORD is upright, and all his work is done in faithfulness. He loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of the steadfast love of the LORD. By the word of the LORD the heavens were made, and by the breath of his mouth all their host. He gathers the waters of the sea as a heap; he puts the deeps in storehouses.
Psalm 33:4-7 
    Splendor and majesty are before him;  
If I have made gold my trust or called fine gold my confidence, if I have rejoiced because my wealth was abundant or because my hand had found much, if I have looked at the sun when it shone, or the moon moving in splendor, and my heart has been secretly enticed, and my mouth has kissed my hand, this also would be an iniquity to be punished by the judges, for I would have been false to God above.
Job 31:24-28 
    strength and beauty are in his sanctuary. 
Every word of God proves true; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.
Proverbs 30:5 
    Ascribe to the LORD, O families of the peoples, 
All the ends of the earth shall remember and turn to the LORD, and all the families of the nations shall worship before you. For kingship belongs to the LORD, and he rules over the nations.
Psalm 22:27-28 
    ascribe to the LORD glory and strength! 
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
Ephesians 3:20-21 
    Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; 
Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.
Philippians 2:12-13   
    bring an offering, and come into his courts! 
Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth! Serve the LORD with gladness! Come into his presence with singing! Know that the LORD, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.
Psalm 100  
    Worship the LORD in the splendor of holiness; 
The LORD reigns; he is robed in majesty; the LORD is robed; he has put on strength as his belt. Yes, the world is established; it shall never be moved. 
Psalm 93:1  
    tremble before him, all the earth! 
Jesus answered, “I tell you, if these [speaking of his disciples and followers] were silent, the very stones would cry out.” 
Luke 19:40  
    Say among the nations, “The LORD reigns! 
Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”
Psalm 46:10 
    Yes, the world is established; it shall never be moved;  
Let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire.
Hebrews 12:28-29 
    he will judge the peoples with equity.” 
The LORD sits enthroned forever; he has established his throne for justice, and he judges the world with righteousness; he judges the peoples with uprightness. The LORD is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you. 
Psalm 9:7-10 
    Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice;  
Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you.
1 Peter 4:12-14 
    let the sea roar, and all that fills it; 
O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! 
Psalm 8:9  
    let the field exult, and everything in it! 
Let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them ever sing for joy, and spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may exult in you. 
Psalm 5:11  
    Then shall all the trees of the forest sing for joy 
For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
Isaiah 55:12 
    before the LORD, for he comes, 
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.
2 Corinthians 3:17-18 
    for he comes to judge the earth.  
Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. 
Isaiah 53:4-5 
    He will judge the world in righteousness, 
Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing.
2 Timothy 4:8 
    and the peoples in his faithfulness. 
But God's firm foundation stands, bearing this seal: “The Lord knows those who are his,” and, “Let everyone who names the name of the Lord depart from iniquity.”
2 Timothy 2:19

As I've been reading and reflecting over these verses tonight, this last two verses sum up my thoughts:

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?

Psalm 8:3-4