18 December 2013

peace like a scarf

I was overnight nannying recently and the six year old was having trouble falling asleep. She'd meandered downstairs multiple times, each time telling me the dreaded words: I can't sleep

Each time, I had walked with her back to her room and stood by her bed as she settled back down.

At one point, I suggested that she pray for peace. 
Peace to calm her heart. 
Peace to sleep. 
Peace from Jesus.

I suggested that she pray that God put peace on her.

I asked her if she knew what the word peace means. 

Well, it's kinda like quiet. And something else I can't remember. 

I smiled at her as I always do, and added to her description. 

Peace is calm. Peace is comfort. 

It's like when you're feeling cold. 
You put in your coat and gloves. 
Your toque and scarf. 
Suddenly you feel better.
Cozy and warm. 

The cold still exists but it doesn't bother you quite as much because you're all bundled up.

Peace is like that. 

It's warms you up and makes you feel better. 

So you have to ask God to put peace on you like a nice warm scarf. 

I think she still came down about a million times before falling asleep, but my heart felt comforted by the God who offers me peace like a scarf.

I'm always grateful when God gives me an analogy to explain Himself to others. 
And truly, to describe Himself to my own heart as well.



What's something you learned recently?

17 December 2013

life lately: a photo dump

I just synced my photos from my phone to my computer for the first time since um, well, September. Dang. I synced it right after Influence but haven't since. whoops??

Lots of these photos are from instagram. Do we follow each other? I'm @nadinewouldsay

Anyway. Here are some glimpses into the past few months.


Time with family.

Making this collage showed me that I need to hang out with my Dad more (or at least take pictures when I'm with him).

 
Time with friends.

Making this collage PROVED how excellent I am at taking pictures on my own phone.


Time with coffee and mugs and journals and Bibles and one little selfie in there for fun.

Making this one was just for fun. I had someone suggest recently that I should print off all my mug instagrams. After seeing how many I have (these aren't all of them - eek), I might do that.


Time spent outside.

The cold weather of December has slowed down walks a little bit but I have truly enjoyed this season filled with being outside. No matter the day I fit in at least a ten minute walk, and if it's a good day, it's at least an hour. I love it.



That's life these days.

Lots of family, friends, coffee, walks, reading, writing, laughing.

Whatcha up to?? Tell me about it.

16 December 2013

hold open the door

I walked from my car to the building, quickly. 

It was cold. Raining. Gosh I hate the rain.

I got to the door, opened it, and held it open because I heard someone coming behind me. 

The lady smiled at me and said thank you

Her thank you was not quick. She slowed her pace, looked me in the eye, whispered her thanks.

Her response made it seem that I had somehow made her day with that very small and insignificant moment of kindness. 

Her reaction stuck with me, and reminded me that it is important to hold open a door. 

So hold open the door. 
Smile at the stranger. 
Give them the quarter they need for a buggy. 
Offer them your points card so they save a few bucks. 

Do it. 
Do the things that cause you to delay your day. 
Offer moments of peace to strangers you meet.

Do it.
Every time.

Why?

Because pretty much anybody could use a little glimmer of sunshine on an otherwise cold and rainy evening.

Offer hope. 

 

13 December 2013

oh tiny gifts: a product feature

I'm always excited when somebody with top-notch product asks me to be a part of their story. I have a bunch of product feature posts coming up in the coming couple months and I cannot wait to share them!

Today I'm excited to be sharing about Oh Tiny Gifts by Moriah.
 Moriah sent me this headband (I got pattern 19) ages ago and I absolutely love it!

I asked Moriah to share a little bit about her shop, her heart for designing her products, and just a look into the purpose behind her product.
I've always had the desire to run a little business. When I was younger I would try to think of things I could make and sell, though for some reason those construction paper chains I tried to make and sell never made it!
When my daughter, Gracie was born, I starting getting a little more "crafty" and creative. I wanted to make things that were special to both her and me because I made them. My mom bought me a sewing machine a few years back, and I only knew the very basic uses of it. Over the last few years I have been learning along the way as I try to create fun and versatile accessories
Most importantly, I wanted to find a way that I could give back to others. I wanted my shop not just to benefit me, but to be able to help someone else along the way. Currently I am working on raising money to donate to Kerry Todd (a fellow blogger), and the money her family is raising towards their second adoption. 25% of proceeds go towards their adoption.

It's well made (I know this because I've worn it a lot and it still looks brand new), the perfect fit, and I always get complements when I wear it.


You can see a few ways I've worn the headband in these next photos from instagram!




Be sure to order yourself one, your friend one, and your kids too okay! Let me know which one you get.

Use promo code NADINEROCKS to get 10% off! Woot Woot!

*photo credit goes to Megan E Photos.
*headband c/o Oh Tiny Gifts, all opinions my own.


If you're interested in having me try out and review your product, email me at nadine at nadinewouldsay dot com. I love sharing the things I love.

P.S. I'm over on the Influence Network Blog today chatting a little bit about the network forums. Rach asked me to highlight a few topics that are great and worth checking out. If you're not already a member of the Influence Network, I truly don't know why. Try it out for a month, and be sure to read my thoughts on them before you do so you go in ready to thrive using the network.

The forums are where strangers become friends, where collaborations happen, and where Jesus is glorified as we all speak truth to one another.

12 December 2013

{a walk through} psalm 84



When I think and consider the things that I long for, faint for, and sing for - well I'd rather not.

My heart tends to lean elsewhere. I'm inclined most often to long for a relationship. I'm inclined to faint for a busy schedule. I'm inclined to sing for accolade.

Yet then the grace and mercy of God impacts my heart. He saves me again. And again and again.

From myself.
From others.
From my sins.
From sins done against me.

Christ reminds me of my worth in Him and all of a sudden I'm reminded of why I need Him so desperately.

He is all I need.


11 December 2013

are they considered selfies if someone else took the photos?

While at the Influence Conference in September, I was excited to spend some time in front of the camera with my dear friend Megan.

I remember months back talking with her about taking the steps to starting her business. Quitting her steady job. Pursuing her dream. I was so proud when she did it!

In Indianapolis, we walked around, I acted like the silly person I am, and Megan took photos of me.

I had lots of ideas and really wanted to involve my phone in a lot of photos since me on my phone is an accurate depiction of who I am in general. Megan was game to take a trillion photos!

Here are just a few of my favourites. You'll see more photos dropping around a blog post coming up soon, and probably in a few other spaces as well. Keep ya eyes open!

nadinewouldsay

nadinewouldsay

nadinewouldsay

P.S. I LOVE my HEX iphone case. I'm not being paid to say that. They're awesome. My initial case from them broke and when I told them, they had a new one to me the next day. That's impressive.
HEX iphone case

These next two are definitely the most accurate photos of me on the internet.

nadinewouldsay

nadinewouldsay

influence conference

nadinewouldsay

Thank goodness for the self-timer. We obviously needed a picture together.

nadinewouldsay

Megan is my Floridian sister, my red pants twin, and is one of many who laughs with me when I'm a silly human. I'm so glad to call her friend.

It's been a blast to watch her business start to take off and I'm excited to watch her business grow and grow and grow!

Be sure to check out her website, follow her blog, like her facebook page, follow her on twitter, and give her some hearts over on instagram. If you're in the Melbourne area of Florida, be sure to contact her for your next headshots, fun shots, wedding, family shoot, or anything alright? Alright!


10 December 2013

a book review: satisfy my thirsty soul




Throughout this post I've linked to my instagram account. I often find myself wanting to share things I am learning and do so consistently over there.

Last night ended a 12 week Bible book study. The study went through Satisfy My Thirsty Soul by Linda Dillow.

One major theme in the book was the idea of bowing down everything before the Lord. Over the course of our weeks, I had to bow down many different things.

After the first four chapters, which shared the authors journey to worship and taught on what worship is, the study moved to this idea of bowing.

I had to bow my life, words, attitude, work, times of waiting, pain, and will.

Yikes. That's a lot to lay down ammarite??

Even individually they're hard to lay down. Imagine a book that made you do each one. dang.

In bowing my life, I had to come to terms with the statement "If I am not Lord of all, I am not Lord of all." That was difficult and still remains difficult. Yet as I've shared before, something being difficult is not reason to not do something, especially a commanded something.

In bowing my words, I found myself recognizing myself in something the author shared:
The problem is, I find it emotionally satisfying to let the words come forth. I feel better. I have had my say. Perhaps this is the issues: Because I want emotional relief, I plunge in and speak quickly - and I get in God's way.
That's painful to read isn't it? It's one of many spaces where I wrote "AAA!" in the margins of my book.

In bowing my attitude, I was reminded that gratitude is a choice. I can choose to praise God in all things. It isn't necessarily an easy choice, but it is a choice. During that week, I got caught about a twenty minute walk away from home in the rain. I didn't have much praise in me to muster, but I was determined to try. As I walked home in the rain, I praised God that I had two feet instead of one.

In bowing my work, well, actually, this is the only chapter in the entire book where I did not underline a single thing. Work is sensitive topic to my heart. Losing my job this year has made me all kind of sensitive.

In bowing my times of waiting, I resonated much with this quote that is on my instagram account. I've thought much about that tension. This was a good chapter for my soul, one that healed some wounds.

There was an analogy that the author mentioned in this chapter on waiting that I remembered my mentor having shared with me - which makes sense since I know she studied this book last year. It's an analogy of a rocking chair.
I rocked back and thought, Ah, this is waiting patiently. Then I rocked forward and thought, This is watching expectantly. Yes, my Lord, I see. It is a continuous motion. Both can happen at once. . . . I want to live expecting you will answer any moment but bowing my agenda and waiting with patience for your timing.

It's a good analogy isn't it? It's one I try to remember. To lean back into Christ, trusting Him as I wait patiently. To rock forward with Christ, trusting Him as I wait expectantly. There is such comfort in this chair.

In bowing my pain, I was challenged to rely not on myself. To have a God confidence instead of a self confidence. It can be difficult in a society that speaks much of having a self confidence to lay that down before the Lord and rest all of your confidence in Him.

In bowing my will, I found much confidence in this statement that the author share: He knew that the will of God would never take him where the grace of God would not protect him. Yes. That. Bowing my will was far more difficult than any other. It was one where I realized that I had missed a lot in the weeks previous. I had thought that I could lay each one day. That I could do it on my own. But in laying down my will I had to lay down my abilities as well.

The author encouraged the idea of creating an Isaiah alter. To bring the things that we hold dear to us, that we need to sacrifice to the Lord. To lay down before the Lord and to physically use hand motions to bind up the things you're laying down. It was difficult to do, to bind each thing down before Him, but it was necessary. I whispered to God that I knew I would be untying each one again soon. That I would need His help to bind them down again and again and again.

This book challenged me, encouraged me, frustrated me, and pointed me to God. It stretched my views on many things and forced me to reconcile differences I had with the Lord.

Let me know if you decide to pick this book up. I highly recommend it. I appreciated that I had to read each chapter twice per week. Doing it in a group was also helpful.


*Affiliate link used.*


09 December 2013

lies I believe

daughter of god


I sat across from my best friend at the bar, words floated back and forth between us.

It's long enough ago that I don't remember the wording or the timing, but I admitted to her that I didn't see any beauty in myself. 

She quickly disputed, as any good friend would, but I equated her words to the obligation of friend. 

We finished our drinks and made our way down the street. 

A drunk man stopped in front of me, he looked at me, and he said "You are so beautiful". His words slurred and he walked away, and my best friend gave me a knowing look. In fact if I remember right, she said something along the lines of "see".

I still laugh about the drunk angel who told me I was pretty

That conversation and interaction sparked something in my heart. It sparked a realization that if I believed that God was beauty in itself and that I mirrored Him, that at least by association, I needed to be at least some small part not completely ugly. 

That conversation was two years ago and it's one that God runs through my brain on a semi-consistent basis. 

I believe a lot of lies, some of the loudest being that I have no worth, that no one cares about me, and that the way I have been created is wrong. 

Those are lies. 

I have worth because I am a daughter of God.

Nobody cares? That's not true. Not only do people in my life care, but Jesus cares. 

He sits in heaven advocating for me.
He gave His life for me.
He left me with the Holy Spirit. 

Nobody cares? Lie.

The way God created me is good. 

The lies I listen to are not true. Because of Jesus, I don't have to believe them. I get to believe in Him.

What are your lies? Can you call them out? And if you can call them out (which I think is a great first step), how do you dispute them? 

I talked about having a belt of truth last week. I know one of my friends asked God to give her a word after she read that post which so encouraged me. Let me know if God gives you some truth to hold onto.

06 December 2013

airplanes

Between going to Indianapolis for the Influence Conference and Mexico for a family vacation, I went on 8 fights in a short amount of time. I love flying. Here are some thoughts I jotted down on one of those flights.


why I love to fly on airplanes


There is a sweet and strange camaraderie that occurs on an airplane.

Magical moments as strangers share a knowing glance at the man with the obviously too large carry-on. 

Thoughts are shared immediately on flight take-off quality, because passengers know everything about airplanes.

Flight attendant whisper jokes to the passengers who hang out at the back of the plane instead of in their seats.

Bonded by hours spent squished together, where mere hours ago strangers boarded, now strangers are traveling accomplices.

It's similar to a family reunion. When you have to spend hours with people you don't truly know, you need to create allies to get through the day.

When the plane lands, the magic disappears.

Transfers to catch, bags to claim, vacations to being, homes to get to - the camaraderie proves to not be strong.

Accomplices resort to pushing one another in hopes of getting off the plane first.

Allies deny ever having met.

Knowing glances turn to glares.

Welcome to your destination.

04 December 2013

what's your belt of truth?

what is the truth you hold onto


I was at a women's retreat at the beginning of October and the takeaway for my heart was one question in particular that the speaker posed:

What's your belt of truth?

A belt of truth being that thing that you remember all the time. When a lie comes into your mind, you can combat it with truth.

Up until she made the reference, I'd never thought about how essential the belt of truth is to the life of a believer. It holds up our pants. That's what a belt does. It keeps us clothed.

What's your belt of truth?

Mine is that Christ is for me.

What's yours?

03 December 2013

the (lack of) need

I wrote this post while I was in Mexico back in October. My family went down for a week. It was a sweet trip, one that had been in the works for about a year, one where we celebrated my parents 40th anniversary. It was so special to see all of my siblings (and nieces and nephews) since only a small part of my family lives locally. 

I'm sitting in a comfy chair, in a cool bar at our resort in Mexico.

Atop my head is a cute fedora. Or at least I hope it looks cute. My hair is in two braids like a child. Unlike a child, to my right sits the half-done tasty cocktail.

An open book lays on the table, and other than the sunburn that has chased me for days, all is well. 

A few minutes ago, I stood in the shower. I stood there for a long time, letting the ocean sand and salt fall off, and the cold water refresh.

I feel similar about Mexico to how I felt about Vegas two years ago.

I love it. It's so fun. It's so fake. My family laugh about wanting another week here (probably more so because we're all together more than the location), but I miss the chaos of home.

Most specifically, I miss God. Here, I can go a day and He doesn't cross my mind. I think about the water, tequila, writing, my favourite server Antonio at the buffet ( one of the sweetest 15 year old my heart has ever met).

I don't need Jesus here. This magic land fulfills all of my earthly needs.

That fact terrifies me.

Home is chaos. Home is a new job the day after I get back. Home is the fact that I don't know when I'll have to move again.

At home, I am desperate for Christ because everything is chaotic. I seek Him. I crave Him. I cannot function without His leading.

Mexico is a dose of paradise. It really is. It's refreshed my weary bones and settled my anxious heart.

But home is good and better. 

Now don't mind me I'm off to order another tequila sunrise.


02 December 2013

a part to play

I was sitting at the piano, playing it for a dear 6 year old friend of mine. We do this many nights, me playing and singing, her singing along, pointing at my piano sheets and asking where on the page I am.

Sometimes she grabs her tap shoes and taps around the piano.

Sometimes she makes up new words.

Always, she inspires me to simply worship exactly where I am.

One night, I was playing a song that she liked (though, she pretty much claims every song as her favourite, so who knows) and she commented that I was playing it differently. At that moment, I was trying to sneak in some genuine practice for the following Sunday. I was playing my actual lines along with the chords, because I knew on Sunday I wouldn't be playing the chords - simply little melodic lines.

She asked why I was playing them.

I explained how on a typical Sunday on worship team, I don't play the same way I do with her. The other instruments play their lines and I play mine. I showed her what I played, and asked if she'd ever heard it that way during church.

She looked at me and said: Oh, that makes sense. We all have a part to play.

For whatever reason, I grabbed her into my arms and gave her a big hug.

Her words were so poignant to my heart in that moment.

I'm in a interesting new season right now. I live with a family, work as a nanny, babysit my niece, most of my evenings are filled with a Bible study or a community group, a worship practice, and if I'm having a good week, time with friends as well. It still feels new, and it's not where I expected my life to look like at this point.

But I am playing a part. It's a new part, a new line, a new melody.

On a day filled with grace filled conversation (it was a Sunday where I'd met a friend for coffee before church, gone to church, had good chats in the sanctuary after church, went out for tea with a friend, met friends via video chat, and had met this sweet friend for some singing. It was a good and fully wonderful day), it was this exchange with my dear 6 year old friend that impacted my heart.

It's easy for me to want to play all the roles, or to play the main one, the main chords that drive the song. Or to think that the line I've been given won't make the song sound right. But sometimes, in some seasons, for reasons that only God knows, we get to play little melodies. These lines are important, and songs are made beautiful because of them, but if they're played on their own, they feel a bit small.

That's why we need community, why we need to listen well to know when to play, and why we need our 6 year old friends to whisper truth to us on the days when we've forgotten.

you have worth

 


Have you had a conversation lately with somebody that wasn't meant to be spiritual but ended up all together encouraging your weary soul? I'd love to hear. 

26 November 2013

an analogy on surrender



I'm in a Bible study on Monday nights. We're working through a book by Linda Dillow called Satisfy my Thirsty Soul for I am Desperate for Your Presence. I've shared about it on my instagram account quite a bit these past weeks.

My favourite thing about the study is that I just get to attend it. I lead a community group on Wednesdays and spent the last two year apprenticing as a leader, so it's so refreshing to get to go somewhere and not feel pressure to be leading well. At this study, I simply get to participate.

Anyway. A few weeks ago, we were talking about the word surrender. It's a tough word to comprehend, and an even tougher word to put into practice.

As the rest of the girls (is it odd that I use girls instead of women, even being mid-twenties, it feels odd to refer to myself as a woman or a lady. Hm. Anyway.) were chatting, I had an analogy float into my mind.

I held onto it for a few minutes, as the discussion continued. I kept praying really Lord? This? Really?

Eventually, I shared this:

Have you ever played the card game go fish? You have cards in your hands, and the other person asks if you have a 2. If you have a 2, you have to put it down, but if you don't, you essentially get to tell them to look elsewhere.

Surrender is like that. The Lord is constantly asking us what we're holding onto. The things we haven't yet surrendered, the things we're holding closer.


Do you have a 2?
Do you have a 7?
Do you have a jack?

If we have them, we have to give them Him. There really isn't another option, because that's how the game works.

Sometimes we're in a season, a season I find myself in rarely, when the things He asks us for aren't in our hands. In those moments, we don't have to surrender them up because we already have.

The problem is that during the game, we're constantly drawing up new cards. Some new cards that might resemble an old card. 

So even if we gave up the 2 a long time ago, He might ask us for it again. And if we have it, we have to give it up.

It's a simple analogy. Not complicated, but I've found it helpful.

So often I think of surrender as I give it to God and then I never have to deal with it again, which is odd because my sin patterns show me that I tend to repeat things over and over. I give something to the Lord and find that I probably have to give it back to Him again the next day, and the next. Eventually I might be able to last longer than a few days, but it's pretty easy for old sins to creep back into my hands.

Surrender. It's constant.

I think the most beautiful part of the game is that we too get to ask things of the Lord. We get to ask if He has 8 or a 9 for us. Sometimes He tells us to go fish, but sometimes He gives us exactly what we asked.

I've found that the things He doesn't have to offer me are typically replaced by something better.

21 November 2013

{a walk through} psalm 81




Here are a few songs I've been singing aloud lately and the lines in them I've been chewing on most:



Bringing reconciliation
To a world that longs to know
The affections of a father
Who will never let them go



This world tells me trust what I can see
Lord, won't You help me believe what I believe




this song I've only been able to listen to a couple time. it makes me cry to hard to listen through.

You broke into the silence and sang your song of hope
A melody resouning in the deep of my soul
You have come running
You tore down every wall
All the while you’re shouting,
“My Love you’re worth it all”
 


May my prayer like incense rise before You
The lifting of my hands as sacrifice
Oh Lord Jesus turn Your eyes upon me
For I know there is mercy in Your sight

What about you? What's your songs right now?

20 November 2013

places of peace: sand, sun and sea



I think that everybody has places of peace, spaces where their heartbeat slows, their fists uncurl, their tired eyes see clearly and brightly.

For me, one such space is the ocean. 

I stand knee deep in the blue clear ocean. Settled. I look at my feet and watch beautiful fish walk by, as if I am their neighbour instead of the foreigner I am.

I listen to the waves tell their stories of old. "This one time" they say, over and over, whispering tales of glory and sorrow. They know that their life ends once they hit the beach, so they waltz around together, biding their time until fate lands them home.

As I step out of the water, the sand slips beneath my toes, like a young child learning to walk. The last waves call to me, beckoning me out of the land and into the water. I pay them no attention. I'm ready for the sand.

The sand. Oh, my toes sink in. With each step, I'm unsure if my feet will make it to the next step.

The sand grabs on to my toes, like a dear friend embracing one who has been gone too long. I let the sand hold on. I've missed its presence.

The water, the waves, the sand, and the everything - they've each let my worries wander away. I can no longer the issue I set out to solve when I arrived.

And the sun. Oh. It holds on like a baby to its mother. It clings to me and I don't mind. I hold it dear, near to my chest, because all to soon, its day will end and its embrace will set.



18 November 2013

intention means nothing


intention means nothing without action

While at Influence, I was privileged to hear from Shauna Niequist.

There are numerous things that she said that have stuck out to me. I wrote quickly as she shared her thoughts, but there was one line in particular that has actually impacted my everyday.

If it it just a vague intention, it won't happen.

She urged the importance of follow through. 

How if you say hey I want to hang out with you, you have to follow up with what's your schedule? let's get it written down.

Since then, I've been making a better attempt at being intentional.

I follow up "oh you wanna do coffee" with "when works?". And then I open up my calendar and get things down.

It's simple but it's necessary.

Intention means nothing without action.

How are you intentional, or better, how do you take action?

15 November 2013

naptime prayers: pray without ceasing

I've been working as a nanny for a few weeks now. Much of my days now include feeding, cleaning, diaper changing, and a nap time schedule.

My favourite part of the day falls in the moments right before her nap. The babe I nanny has a set little nap time routine that we go through before each nap. We walk through the apartment, saying goodnight to the lights and the blinds, the sink and the cat. I sing a song, and then I pray.

For some reason, one I'd like to call a spiritual battle type of reason, prayer has been hard for me the past few months. Once in a while I've felt the way I used to feel during prayer (freedom), but often I feel like I'm pulling teeth. My own teeth. Ouch.

I still do it because I know it's necessary and because I believe that someday the hardness of it will end. 

Something being hard isn't reason not to do it, specifically something we're commanded to do.  

Pray without ceasing.

This moment of prayer, in a dark room, holding this little babe, has become a sweet refuge for my heart. I've always been able to pray best when I'm alone anyway, so maybe that's why since I know she doesn't understand the words I'm sharing to our Lord and Saviour. Maybe it's the holding her and knowing that even if she never remembers these moments, it's a good thing to do - to model prayer to her. Maybe it's the darkness, that I can't see much, that I have to pray softly.

Whatever it is, these prayer are intimate. They're honest. They're me and Jesus and this baby and it's a sweet time.

So often in life, my prayers are lists. Asking God for things, seeking Him for my issues, and for the issues I see around me. But just before nap time, that's when I simply pray to Him. I'm at my most repentant, at my most ready to hear from Him.

I lay her in her bed, say goodnight, and meander out of the room. It's a small apartment so the lights have to stay out and I can't make any noise during her nap, so it's a good time to come over here and write. 

when prayer is hard


13 November 2013

november goals: passion isn't inevitable

A goal that I have for November which I forgot to share when I shared my goals for the month is this:

More passion

I've found myself feeling dull. Feeling quick to say no to fun plans and yes to burdensome things. 


A few weeks ago, I felt like I lost my mind. I didn't and that's an exaggeration of sorts, but I just came to this moment where I was so overwhelmed by all the things in front of me that I couldn't cope. I went home and got honest with myself about my limitations. 

I wasn't being wise with my time. I wasn't stewarding it, wasn't respecting it, wasn't letting it be used well. 

That moment of truth happened to be during my month of "quiet". 

In my mind I feel like I've shared much about that quiet month but in actuality I haven't shared much. I've written much about it, in my journals and all over evernote, but here - it's harder to share about something when you're not sure if you were a success or a failure.

I had sweet intentions with quiet. Intentions of quiet nature really. But instead I just filled my time more and more and more. And when I had quiet, I wasted it watching tv shows and in other mindless ways. 

More passion. 

In our mastermind group, the Sunday before the week I lost my mind, I shared how I wanted more passion. How I was tired of this numbing business, this endless tired. 

So November is for far more passion. 

I'm scaring myself with the things I say no to. I'm saying no to opportunities that seem actually incredible because while they sound excellent, they're not well timed. 

As in somebody offered me an incredible job that would fill every evening of my life until January. An incredible job. Like I could write a lot of paragraphs about why it would be a dream job. I had to say no because I want to be a good human who has time to love God first and also love people super well.

I'll never steward well the things I'm doing now if I keep adding more and more things to my to do list. It will topple.

I'm not turning down every opportunity that comes my way, but I'm being a little more hesitant with my yes.

In fact, lately, I've decided that my to do is to do less. I'll share more about that another day, but it's been helpful to remember that. That doing less is better than more.

My yes list is good right now. It's life giving and fruitful and good. My no list is difficult. No is a hard mentality for me to live out. No is also a sweet learning curve to get through - getting over my yes girl lifestyle.

I'm saying yes to bowling, to drives to get coffee in America instead of here in Canada, yes to going to documentary screenings and pie for dinner. Yes to waiting in line forever for breakfast. Yes to books and selfies and silly faces for days.

Busy and tired are inevitable. Passion is not. I'm seeking out passion. 

It's a goal that only I can measure. And so well it's measuring itself out well. 

The idea of more passion is something I want to speak of more often.  

Expect to hear how life is being lived out with more passion. 

What do you do to live a passionate life? What do you say yes to, and what's hard to say no to?

11 November 2013

create new things

Months ago, a friend showed me a preview of anther friends blog. It was beautiful. I knew the code to get in so every once in a while I would pop over to look at it getting done because I just thought it was so beautiful.

Around that same time, I started considering a new blog design. Started looking at colours, and really started mulling over a tag line. I knew I was ready for a secondary heartbeat to be finished, and for nadinewouldsay to be the name. But a tag line. That's what I wanted. Something that made it more than just nadinewouldsay and that showed my purpose.

One day, I came up with it. I wrote it down, and stored it in my heart. I thought about in constantly, so grateful I'd finally put in a sentence what my heart was. 

Another day, I popped back over to that site I mentioned earlier. To my horror, I saw my tag line there. 

I had no idea if I had seen it there and thus been inspired, or if I'd been inspired elsewhere and her line happened to be the same.  

I felt hurt. 

Not by her or anybody. But I was sad. 

I hadn't set out to steal something but I knew that if I used the tag line I would be stealing.

I know in my heart that coming up with that line wasn't sinful. It wasn't wrong or bad or hurtful or ill intentioned. But if I ever put it up anywhere online, it would be sinful. It would be hurtful and unkind.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4 

As a lover of Jesus, the God OF the universe, the Creator of ALL things, I can trust that He'll give me a different line for this space. It might take me a while (because that one was SO good and said exactly what I wanted to say), but it'll come. 

My job is to create NEW things, inspired by the One who makes all things new.

 
Kim of oh, sweet joy! wrote some good words on a similar topic. Before I'd even read Kim's post, I had already been mulling through similar thoughts myself. Her words are worth a read.

She shared of being on the opposite side of where I am. As somebody who had created something and had is stolen. Reading her words confirmed to my heart that I needed to honour God and this friend's tagline by not using it for myself. I had already decided that I wouldn't use it, but now I knew I couldn't use it.

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17

Blogging is only honouring to God if I do it FOR HIM. I give Him thanks for this online space, I give Him all the glory, honour, and praise. And I trust that He's going to give me a new tag line.

Update: Because I have curious and gracious friends, I'd already received a text before 6am asking about this, a friend kindly sharing sympathy that I'd not been able to have this line. I wanted to share here what I shared with her, because what I shared with her is the point of sharing this story. I'm not sharing this story to gain sympathy. I'm sharing it to point out that sometimes we're given option to sin, to steal, to take - but that we don't have to. We can choose a better path. We can follow our Lord Jesus who chose to humble Himself from God to man. If Jesus can do that, then I can easily give up a tagline.

My friend had just said that she was sorry for me.

No it's okay. I wrote the piece last week but I feel like I came to terms with that ages ago. I just felt like people needed to hear that we can't use the things that aren't ours if they aren't ours first. And that we have to trust God will give us new things. 

08 November 2013

pie for dinner.

Mid day I got the text suggesting pie. 

It made perfect sense. Why wouldn't we go for pie?

I drove to where Tami was after work and then we went to get pie. 

As we walked up to the pie shoppe, I got nervous because the doors were closing but the girl working smiled and let us in. She was funny. She told us what she had to offer (and quickly unoffered the gluten free pie - maybe somebody else needed it), we choose our pie and went on our way. 

Since my current space is a bit cramped for much company, we went to hers. 

I was hoping we'd end up there. Her space is so beautiful. It's always beautiful. 


We made tea, ate pie, watched a movie, chatted, played with her dogs, and I was home before 9. 

It was delightful. 

I love friends where it's easy peasy. Where the conversation can get deep if it needs to and stay light if it wants to go that way instead. No pretense friendships.

The friends who know that two pies is better than one because that way you can share and try more variety. Not every friend is a sharing friend, which is fine. I just like the sharing friends more. 

Friends who grab you slippers and cover you in blankets. The ones who let their dogs slobber on your face and say things like "You're an auntie everywhere you go. To all the kids. Now to all the dogs". 


Friends who would let you stay forever if you needed to stay but who would tell you to leave if they needed you to leave. 

I like those type of friends. 

Tami is one of those.

07 November 2013

{a walk through} psalm 79

I've been thinking much about my {a walk through} series lately, and how if somebody has arrived anytime after I started the series, they might be wondering what is going on.

Last year I started recognizing that I needed to make scripture a bigger part of my life. I wrestled with it, largely because I wasn't sure how to incorporate my own personal study here on my blog, without it coming across as a devotional, which isn't what I was aiming for.

There's nothing wrong with devotional style blogs, or blogs that spend a lot of time unpacking scripture, but I really wanted to just read a verse and just share what it made me think. No Greek, no Hebrew, no fancy hermeneutics. Simply sharing how a holy word impacted me.

I also wrestled with it because spiritual discipline takes that second word - discipline. I knew I wasn't making scripture a priority, so I had revamp the way I viewed it. I needed to see scripture as food, necessary for life, tasty and healthy.

This series has taken on different styles throughout the year. I sometimes like scrolling back through each Psalm in my images files because I can tell when I liked blue and when I liked ombre, and when I really liked bubbles. Lately I really love real images instead of simply coloured backgrounds (though today I am not proving that true). No matter the season, I always love colour. That's true in normal life too.

It's been a stretch for me as a designer, so much so that this is the first time I've written down that maybe I'm starting to think of myself as a designer. Not in a fancy, formal, or paid way. Just in a I like to make all the images on my blog and sometimes they don't suck kinda way.

Anyway. The heart of the series has always been a few things:

be in the Word.
blog consistently about what you learn.
be okay if some weeks you don't share what you learn.
make and share images.
repeat.

Up until my October break, every Tuesday and Thursday, I popped in with a Psalm. I started at Psalm 1, and have been slowly working my way up. It's my most long term project probably ever, and I love it. Some days I share thoughts on the scripture, some days I just share other things.

I say that I love it, and I do, but I realized something over the month off. Making the images for a twice a week series takes a lot of time. It takes away from writing time, and it takes away from life.

So I'm switching it up a bit. Because Mackenzie told me I could. It's true. We were chatting last week and I said that the series felt a bit burdensome and I was thinking about ending it, but how that felt like a cop out. She told me it wasn't a cop out. Yay friends. So instead of ending it completely, I'm revamping it.

Instead of twice a week, I'm just going to share one Psalm per week.

One thing Jessi & Haylie pushed at influence was the idea of a funnel. How we need to take all the things we do and funnel them down to the things that give us life. So this is me funneling down this series so it's a bit more life giving to my time.

Come by any Thursday. We'll be here. While you're at it, pop by anytime okay? 


Recount

06 November 2013

A Cup of Writing

I wonder how writing works for others. I crave writing. 

I crave it similar to the how I crave a cup of coffee in the morning. I can cope, even cope well, without a cup of coffee, but I sigh deeper and smile wider if I have a large cup at the start of my day.

So too writing. I can go without. I'll be okay. I appreciate joy and cheerfulness enough that I can live both out most of the time. Even without time to write.

But if I write, things clear up. Emotions (typically the irrational type) settle. Decisions almost seem to make themselves.

I don't need a topic, though writing within the challenge of one is a good one.

I treasure the moments, the chances to take hold of the thoughts that race, the ideas that float in and out of my head.

I can do without. I'll really be fine. I will however, do better with a nice cup of writing.


What's writing to you? Is it comfort? It is escape? It is a means of peace?  

05 November 2013

Setting Goals: November edition

When it comes to change, I so often set a huge goal and then when I fail quickly, I quit quickly.

Hayley encouraged her readers to link up to share their November goals. Then I read Anne's goal update, as I do whenever she shares them, and I felt like maybe it was time.

Like I mentioned, I'm a big goals person - but not a good goal setting person.

As my sister wisely said to me on Sunday, in regards to an entirely different issue but that also fits here, "You're quick to escape".

An escape mentality is one that has been mine for much of my life, and it is one that has grown larger and wider, higher and deeper over time. My tendency to escape has stopped me from accomplishing numerous things.

It's stopped me from setting goals. It's stopped me from accomplishing goals.

When smart people talk about goals, I always hear the words actionable, measurable, and other fancy ones like that. So I'll try my best to keep them at that.

1. Keep eating breakfast and lunch every week day.

This one should be the easiest. The family I nanny for provides food for me. It's amazing what having to sit to eat with an infant does for your own eating. As I prep her food, I prep food for me. As I hand her her food, I eat my own. I know this sounds silly and obvious, but it's been a huge shift for me. I'm not a breakfast person, and I'm a buying lunch fiend. It's unhealthy and not very smart. I had mostly fixed the problem back when I was working full time, but being unemployed for two months wrecked my good habits.

I'm on week three right now of eating breakfast and lunch every week day. I still don't always eat dinner, weekends are just fair game.

I've noticed change already. The change is small and it'll take time to see significant change, but it's happening. Little by little.

2. Pick one picture for social media.

At influence, I was super thankful to have my friend Megan take pictures for me. She listened to my ideas and we had a blast. I'll share more of the photos over time, but this one is probably my fave. I feel like it captures me pretty well.


This one doesn't feel right for all social media since it's not a head shot. I'm pretty sure I'm close to picking my favourite (which is hard to do when your friend takes a bunch of great pictures), and I'd like to have it up online in every social media area by the end of the month.

Now is when I sheepishly admit that I am only setting two goals. But Anne told me that two sounded good. So . . .


Two it is.

What are your goals for November? Have you linked up yet?