thirty-one days of quiet

As you may or may not know, though I'm not quite sure how you wouldn't know, I was at the influence conference this past weekend. It was a weekend filled with fresh truth and hugged out selfies. It was just what my soul needed.

I thought I would come back from the conference, and maybe you did too, with vision, purpose, dreams, goals, and plans.

One truth that I heard consistently, at least I heard the idea of it, is that gospel and strategy can (and should) go hand in hand.

I've come home home with the word rest, to the sounds of peace, and to the very delicate touch of quiet.

What happens when strategy means quiet?

I thought long on the first flight, continued through my four hour layover, and then throughout my last flight home. I thought long on the word quiet.

Was God really going to call me to be quiet?

Would He actually call me, for a year, to go to a conference, and then send me home with the word quiet?

The answer is YES. It's a loud yes.

I heard God start calling me to quiet a while ago, so long ago that I can't remember when. I just never heard Him give me a date or time, so I was waiting on Him.

I knew quiet was inevitable.

October, outside of today, will be quiet here on nadinewouldsay.

It'll be quiet here on the blog, but my fingers, heart, and words will be scheming together.

I plan to write a lot, to dream a lot, and to just spend a lot of time planning instead of catching up.

One thing I was inspired to do at influence was to better pursue excellence.

Jeff Goins shared in his talk about how we often call people with very thought through blogs narcicistic. People who have good headers, fancy font, sponsored posts, and all sorts of other things - we call them arrogant.

He shared that simply writing words and expecting people to show up in a space where you are putting very little time and effort into - that's actual arrogance.

I've been a bit arrogant. While I do put a whole lot of time in this space, I often do it on the fly. I feel like I'm always just trying to keep up, and I'm rarely ahead of the game.

October is for me to be intentional, and to be better than I have been.

I've been wanting to better define a lot of the spaces on this blog, and to better utilize each dose of internet I've been given. Quiet here will help all of that happen.

One of the hardest aspects of getting quiet is saying a brief see ya later to my Psalm series. I could expand on the reasons why it's hard, but that seems a little bit too loud for a month of quiet. It'll be back in November.

Shauna Niequist shared that she doesn't want to stand before God someday and claim that something was too scary to do, that fear stopped her.

While quieting a blog might seem a bit dramatic for that statement, I get it. It's really scary for me to be quiet for a month, but it's also more important to me to serve God well.

I've heard the whisper of quiet, and while it terrifies me, it's not as terrifying to me as not listening to the voice of God when He tells me what to do.

His call to quiet is purposeful. I don't know its purpose but I do know that God is Lord of every second. So if He says quiet, I have no intention of being loud.

I'll be active on twitter to chat, instagram to hopefully inspire, and I'm always available by email nadine at nadinewouldsay dot com.

See ya in a month.

a more realistic meet and greet.

Amidst my Monday, I found myself reading these words by Hayley Morgan (aka the tiny twig) that she wrote last year before the influence conference:

" . . . most likely the girl you perceive behind the blog is a little different and a little more vulnerable in real life."

I recognized a lot of my fears in that statement because I'm genuinely nervous about going to influence.

See, when I found out back in April that I probably wouldn't be able to go the conference, I was very sad. I cried and I mourned, and I found my peace knowing that at least this way I wouldn't be disappointed.

Disappointed in the conference?
Disappointed in the people I would meet?

No. Disappointed in the fact that I can never measure up to the girl I measure myself by.

I've never met the girl that I measure myself by, most likely because, actually fully for sure because that girl doesn't exist.

She can't exist.

I'm nervous that I'll offend somebody by not knowing or remembering their name.

I'm nervous that I'll share too much, too little, or too something.

I'm nervous I'll say something that will cause somebody I respect to no longer respect me.

I'm terrified about my business cards. I'm terrified because the girl in that picture is wearing bold lipstick and a bold headband, and most days I really just like drinking my coffee and not leaving a lipstick stain. I'm so scared because I'm really not as cool as the girl in my own picture.

I'm also feeling a bit wounded already, and I know I am going to come into the conference feeling really tender to the touch. I'll have just packed up my apartment the day before and when I come back from the conference I'll move the next day.

I've been ready to take down my conference meet and greet since before I even posted it. I feel like I shared this confident girl who has a put together life, where actually I'm constantly at battle with my own thoughts, and have never had to take every thought captive in the same way that I am now. I'm tender and hurt, and feel like every 8th word hurts my feelings right now. So much so that if I knew how to disable my comments I would, simply because I know that even kind words hurt sometimes.

Maybe you're feeling a little bit like me. You're scared you'll forget an important item, or that you'll say a name wrong. (P.S. My name is pronounced Nay-Deen, not Nah-Deen. P.P.S. I'll give you grace if you don't say it right. I promise.)

I want to wrap this post up with a pretty bow, with a truth like: we're going to be okay.

I know that truth, and you know that truth, so we have to cling to it. AND it's okay if we come to the conference and disappoint everybody. It really is okay. I'm planning on disappointing at least myself, so welcome to the club.

All of this to say, Haylie is right. The girl typing our blogs is more than likely a little less put together than she shares.

So I'm excited to see you at the conference (and if you're reading and not going to be at the conference, I'm excited to see you someday), and if you're feeling a bit tender and broken, we can sit together. We can laugh together, cry together, and I know that I'll more than likely do something silly. I just do that sometimes, usually if I'm feeling overwhelmed or excited - it's to differentiate for me sometimes. Or if you're feeling just super great about yourself, maybe you can pass along some wisdom to the girls like me who sometimes just feel a little bit unprepared.

Will you get me to the Influence Conference?

In May of last year, my internet life started to change.
I tweeted an article about Darling Magazine. The Be.Loved Blog favourited it and followed me. I clicked on over, saw what the blog was about, and noticed they were looking for writers, and submitted my name.

Soon after, I was asked to join the team. The founder, Kymberly, lived not to far from me, so we met up for an afternoon. We brainstormed ideas and just go tot know each other.

Either before or after that meeting, there was an online meeting. There, I met some amazing girls: Margaret, Ashlee, Amanda, Kymberly, and I cannot remember if the other writers were in the meeting. I don't think so. I connected with each and started following them on twitter.

Either in a video chat or on twitter or in an email, who knows it's a long time ago, Margaret mentioned that she wanted to go to a blogging conference in the fall.

The conference was called the influence conference.

I looked it up, and knew I was meant to go. I knew it.

I prayed about it, but just kept hearing no. I fought the no, but couldn't get the no out of my mind

Through reading about the conference, I found about some great people named Jessi, Hayley, and Casey. I started reading their blogs, and fell in love with their hearts for the gospel.

I connected especially with Jessi, and over the course of the next few months, we worked together to make my current blog design happen.

Long story short, I didn't go to the conference, though I did blog about it, but I did buy a founding member membership to the Influence Network.

Since January, I've been very active in the network. I really and truly believe in the mission behind it, the heart behind it, the truth that reigns over it - that Jesus is Lord.

I've wanted to go to this years conference. I was going to go, planned to go, all of a sudden wasn't sure if I could, thought I could, definitely couldn't, and then all of a sudden as of this past week - I can go again.

I emailed Ashley last week about sponsorship getting me there and she graciously told me that I needed to ask for help.

I decided that meant I shouldn't go, because I wasn't willing to put my pride aside and ask for help.

On Saturday, after a good and long conversation with my Mom, I tweeted asking for help.

Within twenty minutes, I'd had three friends let me know they wanted to help.

I checked my email and saw a friend who said she'd been thinking of me all week and really believed I'd make it.

This story is so beautiful and I wish I could tell every aspect.

I want to tell you how Shannon got a room by herself and her sweet baby, and how she decided to let me stay with her for free.

I want to tell you how numerous bloggers have given items so that I can create incentive for people to give to get me to influence.

I wish I could share more elouqently how much I believe in the network, in the conference, in blogging in general, in twitter, in instagram, in advertising, in so many things, but I can't.

I can tell you this though: I love Jesus. I love that He saved me from a life of sin so that I can have a full and beautiful life. Where that life's goal is to give all of my worship to Him, to love Him with everything to have, and to be a really good neighbour to every single person I ever get to meet.

I know that there is a lot of junk and darkness all over the internet. Just as much as I know that, I know that it doesn't have to be dark everywhere. This blog gets to be a light. My twitter feed gets to be bright. My instagram gets to shine. Darkness doesn't rule.

So friends, I am grateful that you've read this far. I'm even grateful if you just skimmed everything to get to the bottom so you can enter the giveaway. And I'm just as grateful to the friend who gives $200 as I am to the friend who gives $2. Both are huge to me.

This situation, and in general, my life over the past week, has humbled me, called out my pride, and questioned my identity.

There are a lot of reasons that fall into the "why I can't afford influence". If you feel a need to know, you're welcome to email me and ask, or you can just trust me when I say that life gets hard sometimes.

My identity is in Christ. And one thing He freed me from was fear, and so I am going to confidently ask you a question:

Will you get me to the Influence Conference?

Click HERE to get to the giveaway!

A Meetup of Influential Women

First. I am so excited that this is happening today!!!

what? what is happening Nadine? WHAT IS IT?

Well. Let me tell you. It's the best link-up ever! just kidding It's a link-up that I thought up myself and that is happening today through the help of the great, and I'm talking great, ladies who make the Influence Network run.

So anyhooo, back in January I had the idea of a link-up that would connect the various bloggers who make up the Influence Network (and the non-bloggers. I'm not sure how you will link-up, but if you leave a comment either here or on the Influence Blog, I know I'll see it, and so will many others). I contacted Hayley and she was all for it. She brought it to the team and we've been excitedly working to make it happen.

And today is the day!

So here is the deal.

If you're a current member of the Influence Network, you're invited to share with us! If you really want to link-up but aren't a member, well, today is the perfect day to become a member. Do so here!

Once you link your post, visit the blog of the person before you, and leave some kindness in the comments. (and this isn't a rule, but I dare ya to read a bunch of them, and to share comment love!)

Your post should include:

• 3 things about yourself
• 1 thing you have learned using the Network
• 1 photo of yourself that you absolutely love

So now that that's out of the way . . .

3 things about myself:

I decided to share things that might not come across on my blog.

1. I absolutely love home decor. I could spend days walking through Anthropologie, Ming Wo (a local kitchen store), or a local thrift store, searching for things to add to my home (aka I'd wander through the first two stores but find what I can afford at the thrift shop). I haven't had a chance to do it yet, but I plan to do a little home series at some point to share the physical space that I live in. I love it!

2. I think that I'm less extroverted than I used to be. When I've talked to people about it, they say that is just called growing up, but I'm not sure. I used to be the girl who would host parties on a monthly basis whereas now, up until this past weekend when I hosted my birthday party, I hadn't had a big group of people over in months and months. I have one on ones all the time, and like to invite smaller groups over for dinner and games nights, but it had been ages. I'm not sure if I like this change or not. I'm still deciding.

3. this one is hopefully more obvious to a consistent blog reader. I really love Jesus. I'm learning to love who He created me to be and how He created me, and I'm learning to walk in His identity for me. I love that He accept me now fully and completely, and that He calls me to keep seeking Him so that I can become more and more in His image. That's incredible to me. I love that He has allowed me to have this space where I get to share my heart, my struggles, my joys, my moments. I truly value this place and I really believe that He is working through it, which is very cool. I prayed a lot throughout last year working to deal with pride, and while I still have my prideful moments, I really feel freed from that to simply share truth here. It's a beautiful space for my heart to be, not seeking numbers, but praying for hearts. It's actually far less stressful as well.

What have I learned through the Influence Network?

I don't want this to come across as prideful, but I've really started to see value in my own voice. I thought that I would read through the forums and learn a lot, and I do, believe me I do, but more so than learning, I've been realizing that God has given me words to share. Sometimes it's scary and sometimes I'm not sure if I have it in me, but I've really felt led to share much of what I've written throughout the forums. I'm learning that my age doesn't hinder me on the forums. We're united by the Gospel of Jesus, so we all house voices that have purpose. One other practical thing I've learned. I never knew that Blogger stats were completely incorrect. I don't let stats rule my life, but I like to look at them because it excites me to Jesus working through my little voice. I've just this past weekend installed Google Analytics and I'm excited for that challenge and I'm definitely going to be looking to the forums to learn more.

One photo you love of yourself.

I just really like that my arms look skinny. It's an illusion I promise, but it's an illusion I'm alright with! And I like that the red ribbon-esk part of the dress isn't done up correctly. It bothered me for a long time, but somehow I find comfort in that - that a photo doesn't have to be perfect to be perfect.

Well there you have it! That's just a little bit about me! I hope you'll join in. I can't wait to read your words.

If you're on the fence, hop off the fence and into the party!

this past week

I want to share a quick glance into my past week. One of my goals with this new design is to better share my life - especially the stuff that happens away from my typing fingers.

SO . . . let's go back and take a look! WOOHOO!

I spent most of my day at work and then drove out to my parent's house in Abbotsford for the night. 

Typically when I go to their house, I usually spend some time looking through the stuff I have around the house. I found a box filled with photographs and found this gem. 

Everybody gets to post cute pictures of their kids - I'm posting a cute picture of myself as a kid. You're welcome.

Okay. I'm SO excited to share about my stitchfix experience and I promise that I will soonish. I'm just finishing up all the formatting and trying to get over how funny it is to post pictures of myself taken on my phone in the mirror! Yep, my stitchfix post will encourage you that anybody can post a fashion post.

Then I went to work for the afternoon. I work in a tea shop and LOVE it. It's currently just part-time so I'm still figuring out how to make life work but in the meantime, it's so fun to have a job that I absolutely adore.

Sunday is a no photo day! Unintentionally.

The morning was filled with church. Lunch was filled with a favourite friend and tasty eats from this place. The afternoon was filled with a clothing swap hosted by this lady. The early evening was filled with a good conversation with another sweet friend. 

Oh baby! My sister had a baby! Well, now she's almost 2 months old.

fun fact: I've been an auntie for almost 14 years! Yep. This baby is niece/nephew number 8 so I've got years and years of love for my sibling's children but this babe is the first local baby! It's so fun to be able to pop in and just spend time with my sister and babe.

I love cuddles with this sweet babe. This photo is one of my very favourites.


 




































Later on I meandered over to my friend Michelle's home. We ate some stir-fry and enjoyed some chats! After we made cookies! SO FUN! We enjoyed tea lattes, lots of sugar cookie dough, and icing!


 

Yet another no photo day! Whoops! I guess I'm definitely still learning how to take photos of everything I do!

Tami and I went for an adventure! 

We went out in the morning across the border and into America! I guess for all of my sweet American readers that you might not understand the wonderful-ness of this, but hear this:

my life does not include Target and Trader Joe's on a local basis.

We drove across the border, went shopping, laughed a lot, and enjoyed good chats. It was a very fun day.

In the evening I had worship practice for Christmas Eve.

NEW DESIGN DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! While I didn't start really advertising it until Wednesday because it took a day to figure out all the kinks, the lovely stuff started showing up late Monday night, fixed itself through Tuesday, and looked the way it does now by Wednesday.

I'm loving the new design. I feel like my blog represents what I want it to now. The words are the same, but the pretty look inspires me to put out better content! 

 

The day also included lunch with this lovely lady at this tasty place.

Followed by a quick stop at the church office to say hi to all my friends who work there.

After that I went over to my sister's place. I knew it was an online-heavy day so I wanted a new space to be on my computer. I enjoyed a couple cuddles with my niece.

Early in the evening, I had a video chat scheduled with Tori. We tried to make it happen back in the summer but schedules kept not colliding. It finally happened! Yay. Tori is wonderful. She's beautiful, kind, graceful, and just plain sweet. I'm excited for our friendship to grow.

After the video chat I went to the Festival of Lights with my friend Jenn. We just met a few weeks ago but just like with Tori, I'm excited for the friendship to continue! She's so fun.


 

 Thursday I woke up with a migraine. Not fun. Typical but not fun.

I chose to ignore it the best I could, watch a bunch of sermons, and enjoy the day as best as I could in the comfort of my apartment.

AND I spent about an hour and a half clearing the spam for a friend's website. It was kind of hilarious. Spammers are awful. awful.

 Coming up today:

1. VIDEO CHAT! Video chats kind of are my favourite. Tomorrow afternoon I get to have a chat with Ashley of 5ohWifey and all her sidebar peeps - and it is going to be fun. Last month's chat was one of my favourite. It was so fruitful and just down-right great!

2. If you've been around here, you know I love kids and I spend a lot of time babysitting of my friends. Remember that babe who I hung out with on Monday, my sweet local niece. Well, we're having our first several-hour babysitting experience. My sister is blessed because I've got almost 14 years of experience loving my siblings kids. You are welcome Kiks.

Little note:

Sponsorship is now available here on a Secondary Heartbeat. I'm new to sponsorship so I'm sure I'll adjust things over the coming days and months but I'm so excited to offer sidebar space. Proceeds will go towards me going to Influence 2013. So sponsor me okay? cooooool beans.

(not) Influence(d)

What happens when you write a blog and you hear about an incredible conference?
Well, you look it up and you decide to go.

Until God says no - in the form of finances being too small to make it happen.

So you email the planners and see about sponsorship.
And they offer you suggestions and opportunities.
And you consider it.

And God says no - in the form of incredible unrest and zero peace about going to the conference.

So you pray and plead and almost cry about it.
Or at least that's what I did.

Back when influence was announced, I got so excited. I was sure that it was where I was meant to go. 

God kept saying no.
He kept saying wait.
He kept saying Nadine, trust ME!

I'm still not sure why He didn't let me go this year.
Scratch that, I do know. I know full well.



I could have gone. And I would have learned a lot of helpful things. I would have met Jesus (because Jesus always shows up when we ask Him to come) and I would have left so encouraged and uplifted and all that.


But sitting at home, watching tweet after tweet come by with the #influenceconf tag on it, I realized something.


Jesus was still with me here.


I could still learn at home.

AND He kept asking me when I was going to repent of jealousy.

I'd read the posts and get excited about what it said and then sad that I wasn't there.

I'd see yet another photo of smiling bloggers meeting, laughing, smiling, and building relations and I would look around and see nobody here.

So if Influence taught me one thing (and those tweets taught/encouraged me more than once), it was to always go to Jesus with my sin heavy soul and say "help".

Because He is faithful to help.

    As for me, I am poor and needy,
        but the Lord takes thought for me.
    You are my help and my deliverer;
        do not delay, O my God!
(Psalm 40:17 ESV)

He is faithful to help when I call upon His name.

And guess what?!? After a few prayers and conversations with Jesus to determine my motive and make sure He was on board with my plans, I bought my ticket for Influence Conference 2013. 

I'm so excited for less than a year from now.

Blogging is something that freaks me out. I question myself almost weekly. I feel funny when I tell people I'm a blogger because I never know what they'll say. 

Blogging is something that encourages me so much. I feel confident that I'm being faithful to a God who is more faithful than the sun always rising.

You realize that the sun always rises right? K cool.

In a year I'm going to hug a lot of friends. 
I'm going to talk to people who get why I say that blogging freaks me out and encourages me all at the same time.

Until then I'll keep reading, writing, commenting, video-chatting, and the like.

Blogging is crazy. It's odd. It's fun. I love it. I hate it. I'm sticking around.

Watch out #influenceconf - this girl is coming next year!