Tune-y Tuesday (come clean)

I really like this song. I also say that every week about the songs I post here on the blog.

However, this one just sounds like a lot of my prayers.

So often, my prayers sound like:

I don't understand

what ARE YOU DOING?

how does this give You glory? I'm trusting and NOT understanding. (did you read what I wrote yesterday? That's my big struggle these days - I don't understand God - but I don't think I ever will - I just have to come to terms with that)

why why why why why?

now what do you want me to do?

Whenever I heard the chorus of this song which sings, "where do they go", I feel peace in knowing that I'm not the only one who doesn't understand the things of God.



I also know that He is still good.

A couple of weeks ago I was babysitting for two of my favourite kids. They were in bed and I was working through my devotional at the time.

Well, I hadn't actually opened my Bible yet.

I was praying, and crying, because that's apparently how I pray these days and was petitioning God about something and wrestling over something and I just said something like:

God. I do not understand Your ways. I don't get it. I don't understand what You are doing. I don't think it's fair and I don't really trust You and I don't see it. I don't see what the end goal is. Because this hurts and it's hard. I don't understand.

As I wiped away the tears, I reached for my Bible to where I was reading that day and found deep encouragement:

A man's steps are from the LORD;
        how then can man understand his way?
(Proverbs 20:24 ESV)

I stopped. In amazement.

I turned towards Jesus (there was an open window that I'd been praying towards because it kind of felt like Jesus wasn't very close to me at the time, but I also knew He could hear me) and laughed.

Oh. Okay.

I don't know if this will translate well without me explaining it in verbal words but honestly, I felt so much peace.

I was filled with joy and my trust in Him, for at least a moment, came back.

God is God. I'm not.

(which I also touched on yesterday - man, God keeps repeating things to my soul)

He is working out these steps of mine. Not me.

He is not understandable. I need to stop trying to figure Him out.

Wow.

Okay, this song is Come Clean by Audrey Assad and I like it.

How did I get here standing in a mess that I have made?
Little by little adding to the chaos everyday
I know it's time, it's time to come clean
I know it's time, it's time to come clean

Boxes full of things I've shuffled and shifted place to place
All the years of me, everything I want to keep and throw away
I know it's time, it's time to come clean
I know it's time, it's time to come clean

I empty out the pieces
And I put them where they go

But where do they go?
Where do they go?
Does anything in me know?
Where do they go?

I'm finding what I've covered and holding it up to the morning light
I'm opening my life a little at a time and it's all right
'Cause it takes time, it takes time to come clean
Yeah, and I know it's time, it's time to come clean

I'm picking up the pieces
And I put them where they go

But where do they go?
Where do they go?
Does anything in me know?
Where do they go?
Where do they go?

I'm picking up the pieces

So where do they go?
Where do they go?
I wanna know just where do they go?
Where do they go

Because I need to know
Just where do they go? Where do they go?
I've got to know just where do they go?
Where do they go? Will I ever know?

I'm giving the pieces back to Jesus.

'Cause I'd really like Jesus to put them where they go, because He knows.