Thursday - Thanks!

Does everybody have someone in their life who has an ability to smack them in the face with truth and reality and perspective and more?

I hope so.

It's like smack talk except that it's super important and life giving and changing.

I enjoyed time with friends last night over sweet sangria and good conversation.

As I drove a sweet friend home, I was venting about something and she just - in the world's kindest way - told me that I was wrong.

She complimented my character and whispered truth.

Nadine, that happens because everyone thinks highly of you in that way because of how your character always exemplifies that and so of course that happens.

Oh. So I shouldn't complain about that burden?

Nope.

Oh.  

(Okay, it didn't sound like that at all, but it was really really kind and I felt both encouraged and compelled to change my attitude all in one moment. I promise it wasn't nearly as nauseating as the way I wrote it.)

I'm so thankful for her. That's her up there. That was during an adventure day to Seattle. The border crossing guard asked us if her car was going to make us there. I can always count on Christy for adventure, deep conversation, and general goodness.

This song is the one I was able to sing at her wedding.

Then she and her hubby moved to Figi for a season. And now they're back! YAY! Praise Jesus.

It's a good thing when sweet friends come home from adventures.

She has an incredible ability to speak truth in the most gentlest of ways.

She falls in a category called favourite for too many reasons to write.

For this Thursday-Thanks, I'm thankful for her.

I'm also thankful for video chats. I enjoyed a sweet chat last night with three "strangers". Tiffany, Virginia, and Jac. It was lovely. I highly recommend being bold in asking bloggers to video chat. Ask me!

One other thing I'm thankful for is my Mom. She really is my favourite human ever. This photo is from a trip we took last summer to San Diego after I won the trip from a radio station. I had to write a letter about why my Mom is the best, and because she is the best - we won! It was pretty cool.

I love her a lot.

I'm thankful for much in my life. Too much to write about. God's faithfulness tops every list. I'm more thankful for my salvation in Christ than anything else.

Tune-y Tuesday (before the throne)

Worship leading was beautiful on Sunday. I've said it before I'll surely say it again, it's an honour. I'm still not quite sure why God uses me but I am grateful for any opportunity He gives.

But . . . let me tell you about Sunday.

• I had a great sleep (which was a miracle. I can not remember a Sunday where I've led worship and had a good sleep. I think it's because I prayed about it all week and God decided to grant that miracle. Wow)
• I had too much coffee on an empty stomach (why oh why did I think that 3 cups between 6-9 am was a good idea?) which led to a stomach ache the length of from 9 am until about ten pm, gross
• I got overwhelmed by Jesus due to a well-timed sermon
• I had to vocally lead the first song in the response time
• Cue girl trying not to cry while singing the song below
• Cue Jesus providing soooooo much comfort
• Cue joy

"Before the Throne"

I love the song. I have some of the lyrics on my white board. I think it's stunning and true.

On Sunday as I led it, I think I got so lost in it (in a good lost way). So blown away and brought back to grace amidst the verses.

Today for this Tune-y Tuesday, just listen and let this truth bring you His peace.

This version is by Shane and Shane. Two dudes who love Jesus and happen to play guitar most excellently.

before the throne of God above

I have a strong and perfect plea

a great High Priest whose name is Love

who ever lives and pleads for me

my name is graven on His hands

my name is written on His heart

I know that while in heaven He stands

no tongue can bid me thence depart

no tongue can bid me thence depart

when Satan temps me to despair

and tells me of the guilt within

upwards I look and see Him [Jesus] there

who made an end of all my sin

because a sinless Saviour died

my sinful soul is counted free

for God the Just is satisfied

to look on Him and pardon me

to look on Him and pardon me

Hallelujah.

Hallelujah.

Praise the One.

Risen Son of God.

behold Him there the Risen Lamb

my perfect spotless righteousness

the great unchangeable I Am

the King of Glory and of grace

one with Himself I cannot die

my soul is purchased by His blood

my life is hid with Christ on high

with Christ my Saviour as my God

with Christ my Saviour as my God

Wow.

Mind blown.

When I am weak then He is strong - and then He gets all glory because I'm not caught up in my good works. He's served best when I'm serving Him.

Living In Peace

I wrote this as my status on fb and twitter yesterday:

I wrestle and weep with memories. I rest in the peace I still don't understand.

If you've been around for a long while, you might note (as a dear friend who messaged me today did) that I'm hitting some one year memories right now. 

Memories of meeting boy, dating boy, and then being back to single again.

I sat in amidst a lot of tears the last week. Not because I'd still like to date boy, but simply because it's sometimes hard. I think it's one of those 'just a girl' things.

I'm so thankful for friends who text and remember things.

I'm thankful for friends who have gone through breakups and have such sweet understanding.

I'm thankful for friends who don't know and so they don't mention anything (thus avoiding weepy moments).

I'm most thankful for a Saviour who endured the crushing weight of all my sin on Him, so that I can turn to Him and call for help. I'm thankful that He always responds. I'm thankful that He gives a peace that I do not understand. I'm thankful for the bear-esk hug that the Holy Spirit seems to hold me in each time my eyes flood. I'm thankful that God is Sovereign. His Sovereignty allows me to trust His timing, rest in the truth that He knows best, and lay this burden down (continually) at His feet.

Jesus wrecked me at church yesterday. I told someone that, and they asked me what I meant. 

Jesus, (grace in fact,) wrecks me against myself. His grace makes me hate the things that so often grab my attention and cause me to stumble, and more so hate the things that I choose to gravitate towards which are sinful.

(((you should totally go listen to the sermon btw. it's part 4 over here.)))

It's that whole a secondary heartbeat thing. He makes me need to live differently than this heart of flesh. He calls me to live a different life than that my sinful heart wants. He calls me to hope.

On My Heart

I'm writing with my eyes closed right now. That's odd right?

I had worship practice tonight. It was one of those practices that reminded me that there is a spiritual battle that impacts every aspect of my life. And that I (and all believers going through hard seasons) should be encouraged by opposition because it means we're doing good work for Jesus. It's means He is getting glory.

God is good. Jesus is holy. Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and the Father - they're God.

Satan is not.

Satan hates Jesus because Jesus is God and Satan is not.

Therefore, whenever I praise Jesus, Satan gets pissed.

When I choose righteousness over sin, I please the Lord and not the enemy.

When I count it all joy, I please the Lord and not the enemy.

When I forgive (yet again), I please the Lord and not the enemy.

When I repent and turn away from sin, I please the Lord and not the enemy.

Get the picture??

I don't always get the picture.

I serve myself far too often.

This week has been one that for me, exposed a lot of myself. I spent much time in tears this week before my Saviour.

My eyes are still closed. Are you proud of me for my typing ability? 

Just checking.

I feel like I consistently walk a fine line between authentic vulnerability and general authenticity without sharing everything because this is not where everything should be shared.

Meh.

Tuesday ended with a melt-down. It was an ugly cry session with Jesus. He didn't get ugly. He held me close. The Holy Spirit worked His way into my heart and brought deep comfort.

I'd written that post on meandering words and how the last time I'd embellished when I said God brought comfort, but on Tuesday He genuinely did bring comfort.

In the form of sleep.

And peace.

And in simply allowing this girl to sob a lot.

I cried about events a year past. You're probably new here (okay, I just opened my eyes. It's too hard to write this stuff with my eyes closed - but I am legitimately proud of the fact that I lasted that long without looking at anything. Thank you typing class.) so you probably didn't know me last year. Last year tomorrow (awkward wording I know), anyways, a year ago tomorrow (Saturday), I went to summer camp for a week. I met a cool guy. We dated. It ended. And even though I'm thankful for each part of that story, my heart got hurt again this past week as I considered what could have been. It was just for a couple hours though (so don't start worrying or whatever). Then the tears melted into sleep and I woke up still sad but not quite so broken.

I cried about events currently going on. This girl is exhausted by this summer. I wrote a long paragraph about this and hit delete. There's no reason to go into it. I'm just tired from life. Situations are hard and there are a lot of people in my life struggling. I'm still learning how to cast others burdens correctly to Jesus without holding onto them myself. One of these days I'll totally get it right? Probably not. Good thing Jesus is God and not me. I'd suck at it.

I cried about events not happening. Singleness. Oh man. I tweeted sometime this week: "oh emotions".  I'm so tired of crying over the same thing. I was with a family this week who named their son Samuel which means the Lord has heard. I often ask Jesus how long I'll have to petition the same thing to Him. How long will I pray for this future husband? (I'm so tempted to delete this paragraph. I hate talking about not being content. I hate mentioning being single. I hate it all because it makes me feel as though I'm not trusting in God. But I do trust in Him. I trust in His timing and I consistently ask for His will over mine. It's still a longing though.) How long Lord? When will He hear? When will He respond? When is His timing going to be now? When am I going to trust fully and not question?

I cried about many things.

And in it all, comfort came.

That's what is on my heart. That God is good. That He is good and just and true.

I need Jesus soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much.

I can't do this life without God ruling it.

I took this photo last week. For some reason, I really like taking photos like this. I have too many shots like this. I made it the background of my phone because when I look at it, I see a foot that is walking forward, never quite confident, but always moving. I want to always be moving where God wants me to go, never confident in my own self, but fully leaning on HIM.

Wabaam!

Meandering Words

I've been thinking a lot about the post I wrote the other day on not being okay, and being okay with that.

It's got more feedback than normal on that post. I've had more friends comment about it, some messages, a few actual blog comments.

I know (and I pray) that God will use this blog through anything I post but it is definitely interesting to see which posts garner a lot of attention. This one on living a life of pages got the most I've ever seen around these parts of the blog world. This one here on living a life that doesn't "do it all myself" also hit home for people.

And then there's this one. After I wrote it, God and I wrestled. Or at least we sort of did. It wasn't physical quite like Jacob's battle, but it was physical in the sense that Jesus won. I'd written that post with a bit of honesty mixed with some embellishment. I hadn't yet found comfort. I wanted it, and I knew God would bring it, but I hadn't actually surrendered my issues to Him quite yet. I went to bed that night and I yelled at Him. I cried. I wept. I hurt. And then I surrendered. It hurt. It was hard. But that's sanctification. 

In the morning, I tentatively asked my roommate if she'd heard me the night before. Nope. Oh good. . . I don't quite know how she didn't hear me. I'll give that miracle credit to Jesus.

I want to write with purpose. I desire to share what God is doing, because God is doing stuff. I see it in my life, I see it in the lives of those around me. I watch it happen in a lot of the blogs I read. People being honest about who Jesus is, what they struggle with, and how much they need Him.

I posted something a bit ago. It's actually one of my favourite pieces I've written in a while. I think it's because a lot of the words are copyrighted to Jesus. It was on prayer. Have you read it? It makes me excited when I re-read the post.  I know this might sound odd, or like pride, but trust me, being excited about sometime God put on your tongue keyboard isn't always pride. Sometimes it's joy: the kind of joy that for me only arrives when I lean on the Holy Spirit instead of myself. 

As I drove home Monday night, I was praying about something, and I just told Jesus how cool it is that I can trust Him with it. I can trust Him because He is God and He knows all things. He works all things for His glory, so I can rest easy (I feel like I say that a lot - that I can let go of control because He is in control, that I can have faith because He is God, etc.). That's hugely comforting. I hope you know Jesus. I really do. I hope you love Him with your whole heart. That you live out the Gospel and that you're a Christian who shows your faith in actions, words, and truth.

I need to become okay with the fact that not all my words will bring in views. I'm not always okay with it (because this girl has huge pride issues and lack of confidence issues and overabundance in fear issues) but I am loved by the King of kings. That helps ease all issues something fierce.

Pride is overcome when I confess it as sin, repent of that sin, and replace it by giving all praise to Jesus.

Lack of confidence is overcome when I confess it as sin, repent of that sin, and rest in the fact that my confidence is in Christ.

Fear is overcome when I confess it as sin, repent of that sin, and replace it with faith and love.