I wrestle and weep with memories. I rest in the peace I still don't understand.
If you've been around for a long while, you might note (as a dear friend who messaged me today did) that I'm hitting some one year memories right now.
Memories of meeting boy, dating boy, and then being back to single again.
I sat in amidst a lot of tears the last week. Not because I'd still like to date boy, but simply because it's sometimes hard. I think it's one of those 'just a girl' things.
I'm so thankful for friends who text and remember things.
I'm thankful for friends who have gone through breakups and have such sweet understanding.
I'm thankful for friends who don't know and so they don't mention anything (thus avoiding weepy moments).
I'm most thankful for a Saviour who endured the crushing weight of all my sin on Him, so that I can turn to Him and call for help. I'm thankful that He always responds. I'm thankful that He gives a peace that I do not understand. I'm thankful for the bear-esk hug that the Holy Spirit seems to hold me in each time my eyes flood. I'm thankful that God is Sovereign. His Sovereignty allows me to trust His timing, rest in the truth that He knows best, and lay this burden down (continually) at His feet.
Jesus wrecked me at church yesterday. I told someone that, and they asked me what I meant.
Jesus, (grace in fact,) wrecks me against myself. His grace makes me hate the things that so often grab my attention and cause me to stumble, and more so hate the things that I choose to gravitate towards which are sinful.
(((you should totally go listen to the sermon btw. it's part 4 over here.)))
It's that whole a secondary heartbeat thing. He makes me need to live differently than this heart of flesh. He calls me to live a different life than that my sinful heart wants. He calls me to hope.