Something in me always hesitates when I start to share about being single. Something called fear crumples my words and makes me delete the already typed words. Single girl thoughts typically arrive as I lie awake at night, longing for different moments.
I've felt compelled for weeks, maybe even a few months, to share more. To share deeper and longer, wider and higher about the complex mystery that makes up my heart.
I'm not quite sure how a word prompt of she is the thing pushing me to share, but I might as well.
There is a song that I wrote just about two years ago called wither. I shared in that song my hurts of a girl who had so recently had her heart broken. (It's also my favourite song that I've ever written)
Since then my heart has been broken numerous times, but all the boys have been oblivious. Isn't that like the biggest hurt of all sometimes? The oblivious hurts. The longings that nobody knows about. The boys who we crush on for weeks and months, who we pray for daily, about whom we seek genuine wisdom from above about?
I'm done being silent. I hesitate to get loud, but maybe it's time I start using at least an inside voice on the topic of singleness.
Because I know I'm not the only one crying in my bed at night, and that I'm not the only one who sometimes goes week upon week without missing the hypothetical boyfriend.
I think there is a balance, a sweet trust that is built.
I've texted my sister Kirsten something akin to this before:
Is it normal to trust God fully about my future in relationship and yet also really really want something to happen really soon?
I'm still learning that balance, that sweet trust. I haven't arrived, but I'm certainly on my way.
How's your story? What's your story?
One of my most visited posts is this one here, which is all about ways a single girl can pray for her future (hypothetical) husband.
