I've been working as a nanny for a few weeks now. Much of my days now include feeding, cleaning, diaper changing, and a nap time schedule.
My favourite part of the day falls in the moments right before her nap. The babe I nanny has a set little nap time routine that we go through before each nap. We walk through the apartment, saying goodnight to the lights and the blinds, the sink and the cat. I sing a song, and then I pray.
For some reason, one I'd like to call a spiritual battle type of reason, prayer has been hard for me the past few months. Once in a while I've felt the way I used to feel during prayer (freedom), but often I feel like I'm pulling teeth. My own teeth. Ouch.
I still do it because I know it's necessary and because I believe that someday the hardness of it will end.
Something being hard isn't reason not to do it, specifically something we're commanded to do.
Pray without ceasing.
This moment of prayer, in a dark room, holding this little babe, has become a sweet refuge for my heart. I've always been able to pray best when I'm alone anyway, so maybe that's why since I know she doesn't understand the words I'm sharing to our Lord and Saviour. Maybe it's the holding her and knowing that even if she never remembers these moments, it's a good thing to do - to model prayer to her. Maybe it's the darkness, that I can't see much, that I have to pray softly.
Whatever it is, these prayer are intimate. They're honest. They're me and Jesus and this baby and it's a sweet time.
So often in life, my prayers are lists. Asking God for things, seeking Him for my issues, and for the issues I see around me. But just before nap time, that's when I simply pray to Him. I'm at my most repentant, at my most ready to hear from Him.
I lay her in her bed, say goodnight, and meander out of the room. It's a small apartment so the lights have to stay out and I can't make any noise during her nap, so it's a good time to come over here and write.